Here, Here; I'm Here

We're back!

And aside from a minor delay in our flight; a blender that blew up and went kaputz due to a gazillion pitchers of my specialty margaritas; one day of crappy weather; and a failed attempt at a Xanax-suicide-pact between my brother, future sister-in-law and me because some nameless relatives were being complete A-holes one evening, we had a beautiful time!

And, we celebrated out 13th anniversary like the lovey-dovey couple that we are! I awoke in the kids-free-condo in a plush king-sized empty bed. A perfect start, right?!

Hubby was lounging on the couch watching ESPN or some other shit station. Then we cuddled for a while and decided to walk to Starbucks. Actually, it was more like:

Me: Hon, want to walk to Starbucks?

Him: Anything you want today babe.

So, we journeyed to Starbucks in the deep heat of the south, and then journeyed back, sweating profusely and stinking like wet dogs who had just run through a swampy lake. Went to a nice lunch where I drank a little too much. Went to Walgreen's to purchase a replacement blender for the broken one and to refill my Xanax prescription. Came back to the condo where Hub went down by the pool and I proceeded to pass out on the couch from my afternoon buzz.

Later, when it started to rain, Hub came back up, woke me from my nap, snagged the remote and changed it to ESPN again, while I devoured this book. I will now be purchasing every single Sarah Dessennovel ever written because she is an awesome, incredible writer and she has now been added to my list of stalkees! So watch out Sarah, you'll be hearing from me!

Later, after Hubby had plied me with wine in an unsuccessful attempt to lure me away from my Young Adult novel, I retrieved the remote and found a very interesting show on MTV. Now, I am a child of the MTV era. I dedicated myself to the first 15 or 16 seasons of Real World. I knew every answer to every question from that terrific show, REMOTE CONTROL! I loved MTV! I lived MTV! I WANT MY MTV. The very first video I saw on MTV was Hungry Like the Wolf and I was APPALLED that Simon Le Bon was french-kissing that tribal woman ON TV! Oh, the innocence I once was.

Alas, I watch no longer. I have aged.

But on this particularly evening, the one where 13 years ago, Hub and I had pledged our love forever to one another, I was lured by wine and Parental Control on MTV, which is a hilariously stupid reality TV show, we sat next to one another and laughed our asses off episode after episode until it was like 8:30 and we thought we should maybe take advantage of our time alone...

Yep, we did it...

We walked across the street and had pizza at Joey's Pizza and Pasta Pub.

Now, there's an anniversary dinner to remember! It's really what I wanted though; some really good pizza and a caprese salad. Oh, and a ten-dollar glass of Santa Margarita wine. After all, we were celebrating 13 years of wedded bliss... Ha, I almost really just wrote Piss by accident!

Anyway, not only did we have some great quality time alone, we spent time with some very dear family members (shout-out, Love you all!)...

And, I do have to say I am grateful to the Period Fairies, or the Menstrual Queen, or the Bleeding Goddess for she (One can only assume that a Period Fairy would be female, wouldn't one?) forgot to pay me a visit during our vacation!

Which, depending on if my IUD is still in place, could be a good thing, or a very, very, very bad thing. Because for some reason, I think Little Ms. Period Fairy forgot where I live as she hasn't been by to visit since April 21!

Anyway, in the meantime, I am now locking up the Carbmonster in my home and keeping him away from my lips as he's gotten the best of my hips these last few weeks of unadulterated feasting on whatever the hell I feel like feasting on.

So, any of you out there who have lassoed up the evil Carbmonster and rid him from your lives, I would be forever in debt if you could share ways to keep him from creeping out of my fridge and pantry and shoving himself fully into my mouth. I need to seriously do this for two weeks. Really. Truly... No French fries, no pizza, no bread, no pasta... No Alcohol... helpmepleaseIcanhearhimwhisperingmynameintheformofabagofchips...
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please... he's calling for me...