Thursday, March 15, 2007

Food, Words, Mustache

"No offense, mom, but it looks like you're growing a mustache."

This from Diva this afternoon.

And earlier today, when Tukey and I were snuggling in a strip of sunlight on the couch, playing our favorite Kitty-Cat Game, he delivered a similar blow: "Mom, you have a tiny mustache," as he brushed the fine hairs on my upper lip delicately.

Twice in one day. What self-esteem damage! As if I'm not having a difficult enough time with the weight factor, and the skin factor, and the "I'll-be-thirty-eight-in-less-than-thirty-days" factor, I've now got to figure out how to handle facial hair and my inquisitive, endearing, yet completely, totally honest children.

I've always had a little bit of this problem, and I've always been an upper-lip bleacher. I guess I haven't been keeping up with my grooming tasks.

So, here's the thing. I figured out the two things I always think about, well, the majority of the time:

1. Food, eating, dieting, my weight

2. Writing, and why I'm not in a good place, a zone, right now.

If every time I thought of food, I came to the computer and wrote about why I was thinking about food, maybe I could get to the core of the problem. I, for sure, positively know that I am an emotional eater, a stress-eater. The kids do something to annoy me, I start shoveling in the mac 'n' cheese. Diva starts whining, I get out the ice cream. Tukey pulls one of his "I-should-be-in-an-anger-management-class-for-five-year-olds" stunts, and I tackle a bag of chips. It's just the way I am, have always been.

And as I'm shoving whatever it is down my gullet, my brain is saying, "This is so not very good; you're going to feel way bad after you're done chewing." And I know this, but there's some spot in my brain that is also saying, "I don't give a damn. I need this because it's calming me down, settling this disruption in my life, chilling me out." And I'm eating so fast, I don't even know for sure if it tastes good.

I should just chew a wad of gum instead. Do they make brownie-flavored gum? That might just be what saves me.

And, the other thing: I have diligently, reverently been working out and going to the gym. In fact, I have kept track of my gym visits (and yes, I'm actually doing some sort of exercise there, not just hanging out chit-chatting!) and nothing's budging. I mean, come on, shouldn't something be happening. Whatever, I'm getting crabby just posting about this, to the point of where I might just say fuck it and go into the kitchen to devour anything that resembles chocolate and salt.

Right after I go upstairs and bleach this son-of-a-bitch 'stache!

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't bleach - wax! Buy the strips from Sally Beauty Supply or where ever. I've never really had a problem with this, but lately, I've noticed a few stragglers!! So, rip it off! Bleaching just makes your stach -ORANGE!!
your sis

Manic Mom said...

My sister does not wax!!!! I'm calling you right now!

Steph said...

I'm with anon. Go the wax. No bleach is that good that you can't see a tache.
Seriously.

Jenster said...

I totally relate on all issues!

Mustache - I agree with the waxing. I used to have it done, but now I use the Sally Hanson cold wax strips. Just yell "Wooo!" as you rip the hair from your delicate face. I swear it helps.

Food - I can't stop eating and whatever I eat isn't exactly what I was wanting. It's those stupid steroids. Or else it's all mental, thinking it's the steroids.

Exercise - Yeah, whatever.

EE said...

I would definitely go with hot wax. I had to start waxing my 6th grader's stache this year...her's was worse than mine!!
P.S.DO NOT SHAVE THE STACHE!!

Swishy said...

Sally Hansen does work!

You know I'm totally right there with you with the emotional eating. I'm not even going to TELL you what I just ate. OK, I will. It rhymes with schmirl trout mookies. Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Manic Mom said...

Swishy--do you know how much I love you!!! Totally cracking up at 7:45 a.m.!!

And I would NEVER, EVER shave my face!

Colorado YA Writer said...

Kids are great, huh! You can count on them to be honest and point out your zits and stuff.

I agree with a wax job, but let someone do it. I did that NADS one time and nearly ripped off chunks of skin.

As for the eating...well. I can't help you (shoves a Ding Dong in and takes a sip of coffee). I have been eating like crap, too. I am addicted to SUGAR. The wrapping from corn dogs with the boys who don't eat that part.. oh and I rediscovered the joy of Ding Dongs and Snowballs, bought too many GS cookies: namely Tag-a-longs, and I have had a McDonald's ice cream cone or Shamrock shake everytime I am out running errands. Yesterday, I surfed the net for hours and ate a bag of those malted milk ball Easter eggs. I have no desire for real food.

Hubby gets home and during dinner, I can't eat. He says, you should eat...but I act not hungry because of all the crap I have eaten all day.

I made pasta for the fam and went to the bar with my mom instead. Maybe you need a girl's night out?

Amie Stuart said...

Wax....eventually you'll kill enough hair folicles it won't come back. Trust me on this. And if you do it yourself, hold the skin TIGHT!

Throw out the chips and ice cream so you can binge on something healthy like apples

*ducking*

Andie said...

I have issues with food lately. My latest saving grace: those Fiber One bars that are oats and chocolate. they taste like a candy bar, but are low in calories and high in fiber.

But be forewarned... they make you toot like crazy!!!

And girl, I wax! don't bother with bleach. Wax it! I love letter the chick at the hair salon wax my eyes and brows

Colorado YA Writer said...

OMG.

I was just at Wendy's. The boys were hungry...and we were on that side of town...well whatever...

I have just discovered a little slice of heaven for $1.29.

Fix and Mix Frosty! It's a frosty, but you can choose crushed butterfinger, oreos or M&M's.

Drive fast! Get one. Happy Friday.