Notes taken while doing my civic duty as a United States citizen:
OK, so far, this is really weird to me. I’m sitting in a real courtroom. I’ve never been in a real courtroom before. I feel kind of famous! I have an end seat at least so that is good but I wonder if the person behind me is reading this? I’m not sure what I was expecting but I didn’t think I’d be thrown into a real live courtroom waiting for a judge. Oh, and yeah, they put me up front and the guy said he’ll explain why once we get started. I’m kind of excited maybe I should read the Handbook for Grand Jurors they gave me. Nah. I’ll just wing it. We had to go through security and I have two bottles of water with me. The guard asked me to open one and take a drink. I was so close to being a wiseass and saying, “Can I handle my vodka or what?” after I drank it. That might have gotten me kicked out for sure!
OK. More people came in. I’m going to look around for a while. More later.
OK, I’m already annoyed by the woman next to me who keeps clearing her throat and swiveling in her chair. How annoying. I’m in a real courtroom!
I can’t wait to stand up and place my hand on my heart – will I say the Pledge? Oh, people are moving out. Wonder if the judge is a man or a woman? Wonder if I’ll have a chance to change my tampon? Wonder when this lady will stop fanning herself and clearing her throat!?! I think she needs a smoke.
Ooh, They all went into another room and said hello to the judge. They’re laughing. And now calling people’s numbers and moving them around the room. I wonder if anyone will snicker when they call number 69? I guess I was expecting to be in a cafeteria-like room, with cushy chairs like a waiting room. Damn this woman next to me with her fanning of herself! Definitely menopausal. How fucking annoying, but I like her shoes. They look like mine.
So much for my Law & Order debut. They asked if it would be a hardship to go to court every Tuesday for the next three months. TWELVE TUESDAYS! I explained my situation of having no family and that I thought it would take some time to find care for Tukey, and then Diva and Ajers after school. The judge excused me. I’m kinda bummed. I feel a little let down, and like I let down my country or the innocent people I could have saved! Plus, there would have been a tour of the jail! Plus, there were hot guys at the courthouse!
Oh well, back to the life of a Manic-Stay-At-Home-Never-Do-Anything-Exciting Mom…