I think I keep my writing life pretty much hidden on this blog, about me trying to get my novel published. Today though, I'm crushed, and I'm letting myself have a good cry over it. I feel literally ill right now.
Rejection sucks. And I've had so much rejection during this journey to getting published, and I think I pretty much usually have a thick skin, but how many times can you hear good stuff about your novel, and then, "despite all that, the market is overcrowded..."
Totally sick. Why does it have to be so hard? I just want to share my novel with people who I think would want to read it. I wrote a book. So many people say in their lives that they 'should' write a book. Well, I did. And it took a long time, and it was hard, and I think I did a pretty good job at it. If I read back on some of it, I think, "Wow, I came up with that; that's cool. How did I know how to write that?" It took me from the time Tukey was eight months old until two Junes ago, like practically four years from start to finish, and then it took another year-and-a-half to find my amazing awesome, tireless agent, and now... now the publishers don't want it.
Feeling very sorry for myself, and I'm thinking it will make me feel better to write it down, get it out of my system, and then go upstairs to take a nap. I was having such a great day too, one of those fairy-tale days when you're like, "This is my life? I have it so great!" I got to go work out at the health club, then went to Starbucks. Then Tukey had Kindergarten Roundup where they give an intro to Kindergarten, and that was fun. Then I got to go out to lunch with some good friends, and I was so happy, so cheery; the sun was out. I felt healthy, and happy, and I know I have a great life, and that I'm so, so, so very lucky, and what do I have in my life that is hard, or sad, or discouraging? This, in the scheme of all things is nothing. But it's what I want. I want it so badly, and I don't know if I can do this again if it doesn't happen for me this time around after I've worked so freaking hard so far.
Now I have an "I've-cried-so-much-my-head-is-pounding" headache. And a blotchy face to go along with the latest rejection.