Friday, March 16, 2007

Sick To My Stomach

I think I keep my writing life pretty much hidden on this blog, about me trying to get my novel published. Today though, I'm crushed, and I'm letting myself have a good cry over it. I feel literally ill right now.

Rejection sucks. And I've had so much rejection during this journey to getting published, and I think I pretty much usually have a thick skin, but how many times can you hear good stuff about your novel, and then, "despite all that, the market is overcrowded..."

Totally sick. Why does it have to be so hard? I just want to share my novel with people who I think would want to read it. I wrote a book. So many people say in their lives that they 'should' write a book. Well, I did. And it took a long time, and it was hard, and I think I did a pretty good job at it. If I read back on some of it, I think, "Wow, I came up with that; that's cool. How did I know how to write that?" It took me from the time Tukey was eight months old until two Junes ago, like practically four years from start to finish, and then it took another year-and-a-half to find my amazing awesome, tireless agent, and now... now the publishers don't want it.

Feeling very sorry for myself, and I'm thinking it will make me feel better to write it down, get it out of my system, and then go upstairs to take a nap. I was having such a great day too, one of those fairy-tale days when you're like, "This is my life? I have it so great!" I got to go work out at the health club, then went to Starbucks. Then Tukey had Kindergarten Roundup where they give an intro to Kindergarten, and that was fun. Then I got to go out to lunch with some good friends, and I was so happy, so cheery; the sun was out. I felt healthy, and happy, and I know I have a great life, and that I'm so, so, so very lucky, and what do I have in my life that is hard, or sad, or discouraging? This, in the scheme of all things is nothing. But it's what I want. I want it so badly, and I don't know if I can do this again if it doesn't happen for me this time around after I've worked so freaking hard so far.

Now I have an "I've-cried-so-much-my-head-is-pounding" headache. And a blotchy face to go along with the latest rejection.

17 comments:

Kim Stagliano said...

Vodka cures a blotchy face. Husbands kiss away sadness. Kids make you giggle when you'd rather pull your hair out. And friends hold your hand, even if it's from a Dell to whatever the little label is on your computer.

KIM

Christy_Ann said...

Blah. It sounds like you are having the same kind of day as me!

Hope things improve for you soon. Keep the faith.

Anonymous said...

I don't know the specifics of your book-publishing-status but I can tell you, as someone who works at a literary agency, that sometimes the best things happen when an author does much of the work him/herself. By doing the research on publishing houses whose authors produce books similar to yours and emailing your agent this list, then actually asking to be blind copied (or forwared) on any electronic correspendence/pitches to these editors. Maybe you already do this; I just suggest it because it's my opinion that the more work an author does on his/her own behalf in trying to get the book out into the world, the more the agent is on board as an advocate for the project and the chances are better. But I also know that this whole thing sucks and all anyone can do is wish you the best. It will happen.
Sarah

Jenster said...

I'm so sorry you're wonderful day took a turn for the worst. I'm in the middle of writing a book and I know how hard it is to finish and polish one. So you have my admiration.

It will happen for you. Probably when you least expect it. :o)

I think you need a margarita. They make everything better.

Swishy said...

Or an appletini!

Everything I told you before is 100 percent, absolutely true. The timing and persistence part isn't over just because you have an agent! It's gonna happen, I promise. And I also know you're going to wake up tomorrow and feel 1,000 times better, and maybe, just maybe, we'll both be good girls starting on Monday (for REAL this time!)

Love you, my BBFF! No more tears! You need to be pretty for your author photo :)

kjamaupin said...

Aw, I'm crying with you. That stinks. But on an encouraging note, I can't wait to read your book!!! And I will faithfully wait until someone wakes up and sees the gold that we all do!! :-)

Kate said...

I'm so sorry, honey! I want to kick a few people in the head for you. And know that I will be first in line to buy your book because it's only a matter of time. I know that doesn't help right now, but you're a fabulous writer and you make a lot of us laugh. Ditto on the suggestions for appletinis and hugs from hubby and kids.

EE said...

Yeah, what Sarah said (like I know what I'm talking about)...
I would love to read your book...what's it about?

Randy said...

This is where someone usually trots out the stories of John Grisham and JK Rowling, but those little anecdotes don't really wash away the misery, do they? On a positive note, I'm printing out some of the sage words on the CL loop--they were truly inspiring! So, thanks for sharing the pain of your journey so that others may forge ahead through the rejections and know that (we) are all connected...and maybe that's a part of what makes "it" so wonderful when "it" happens. You'll get there, MM, I have no doubt.

Beefcake Almighty said...

Sorry to hear about that.

You know what also sucks? Catching fire while barbecuing drunk.

stephhale said...

Rejection sucks. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down, but let's face it you are a GREAT writer. If you weren't you wouldn't have an agent or hords of people reading your blog everyday. This will happen for you. I have no doubt.
hugs,
Steph
ps-if you want a laugh, stop by the blog to see my old prom pics. Yes, I used to have a waist & only one chin!

Frannie Farmer said...

Ah sweets, I am so sorry to hear that ... who needs that on a Friday for cryin' out loud. I hope that the Hubby let you sleep in this morning and then got you your much loved grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalatte.
Hugs to you Manic!!!

Manic Mom said...

Thanks everybody! Feeling much better today!

And Frannie-not only did I sleep in AND get my cindolelatte this a.m., I also did yoga!!! So it's been a refreshing good day, and hubby ALSO brought me roses yesterday cuz he knew I was sad.

You all have cheered me up! Thank you so very much!!

Colorado YA Writer said...

Well, I am late to the un-party. As you know, I am doing the same kind of writing/pub journey...I am very sorry about the crap week.

There are 3 important things in my writing office. I keep a sticky next to my computer that says: THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING PUBLISHED.

(I have to remind myself of this on sunny, 68 degree days when my family is outside playing and I am inside on my computer searching for agent or looking at chat boards and blogs about writing.)

2. A worry stone that says "Patience."

Patience is not something I ever have in my life...with my kids...myself...my hubby...and with my budding career as a PUBLISHED writer for children.

The word is almost rubbed off the stone. My oldest son gave the stone to me. Coinky-dink???

3. A quote from Ashleigh Bill iant from the newspaper that says: "YES is one of my favorite answers."

It will happen. You will make it happen. I agree with Anon who said search out publishers that publish the same stuff.

I know that the pain of rejection feels SO personal. Just remember. It's not YOU, it's them. I feel all giddy because I have 5 fulls out there. But, those 5 are my last chances with this novel. If those 5 are "no" then it's over. I had a shitty rejection this week from an agent who had a partial. She said my characters were "unappealing." After 4 months, that was all she had to say??? WTF?

HUGS.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear, but most writers do write more than one book before getting published. Everyone goes through this. I wouldn't fret over your first book. You need to keep writing. It may take your next book, or the one after. It's a tough business especiallly in the mom lit field. Good luck. And focus on your wonderful family.

violetvirus said...

Keep trying, MM!

You never know...

glad you are feeling better...

Sending Huggiez your way!

Eileen said...

Oh munchkin. I know this feeling. I know all so well. Hang tight. Keep the faith, keep writing.