Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Just Stuff

So, I was having this dream that I was in high school and I had on these way-too-tight capri khaki pants, and let me tell you, I don't own capri khaki pants--I don't own any khaki clothing period. But I had these pants on in my dream, way too tight, and I had like peach and white granny underwear on and you could totally see them through the khakis in my dream. I was finding my way to classes and trying to make sure no one saw my butt and then someone did and made a comment, a not-nice comment and then I was even more self-conscious over the whole thing. I was the new girl and there was a table with two brown girls and I was talking to them cuz one was the editor of the school paper and she was going to try to help me get in with them, and then my other friends got mad and told me not to talk to them, like it was the 1950s or something and it was the whole back-of-the-bus, no-water-fountain-drinking stuff all over again. Dumb.

Then I had to find where I parked my car and it was actually a tricycle and I finally found it. Not sure why that part was in the dream.

Finally, I was running through the mud and grass and all these little wormsnakes kept popping up all over the place so I was jumping up at every step to make sure I wouldn't step on the scary snakes or smush them all over my feet. I kept jumping and jumping and squealing and yelling Ewww Gross because there were so many of these gray, ugly wormsnakes and they were freaking me out.

Next thing you know, there's AJ trying to wake me up. I've told you before how he gets up, gets dressed, watches a little TV and then comes to wake me up at 7:00 a.m. so I can get Diva up and get them breakfast. (He is my adorable little alarm clock!) So, he's waking me up and when I wake, he says, "What were you doing?"

I'm like, "Sleeping."

"No," he says. "With your legs? You were kicking them up and down and all over the place, shaking them."

I laughed and told him, "I was running away from the snakes!" Apparently, when I dream, I actually DO the things I'm dreaming about while I'm sleeping! Who knew? Too weird.

So, more of this Just Stuff stuff... the anonymous poster (who wrote this:
...I have read your blog for a while and I'll have to say, you really need some help. Your blogs have been extremely negative and to be frank, depressing. I use to love your blog but now can't stand to hear the complaining. "change the channel?" Well I am right...now... ) will be thrilled to know that because of his/her comment, I have changed my ways and am trying to no longer be "extremely negative and depressing." Anonymous poster, because of you, my life has changed for the better! So, thank you so much anonymous poster for showing me that my negativity and depressive expressions were not only boring readers, but they were also being very harmful to me. I wish you hadn't stopped reading. I feel I can now be a friend to you, seeing as I'm no longer negative and depressed. Thank you.

Yes, I really was suffering from S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) and while it seems like a mild 'problem' to have, it really did disrupt my life for the months of January and February. I had been to the doctor, who took blood, yada yada, I cried, yada, yada, they sent me for a thyroid ultrasound which thankfully, turned out to be normal, but the two minutes she left me in the room after the ultrasound so she could "Check the pictures to make sure I did them right" my mind was reeling with thoughts of disease and all that other shit that goes along with disease. But, apparently, I'm okay, and I'm very thankful for that. Some people might call me a hypochondriac, but you know what I say? If I'm feeling skeptical about my health, or concerned that I'm not feeling the way I know I usually feel, then I'm going to use that health insurance I've got and get myself checked out. I am very proactive when it comes to my health, and the health of my loved ones. I don't "wait and see" for nobody!

Let's see, what is coming up in Manic Mom's life? Hub is throwing a 'party' for his colleagues as a thank you for their hard work and dedication to the company. I told him, "Oh great, now I have to play the 'wife'" -- he said I don't have to; just to be myself, soooo bring on the cosmos! I just hope I don't spill the beans on any private stuff I should not be sharing with these folks. Kids will be at the in-laws for the whole weekend (thanks G'ma and G'pa!) so we've got the whole house to ourselves (sorry G'ma and G'pa--bet ya didn't want to know that!) I'm planning a date night for Friday. It's been years since Hub and I have been on a 'date.' Okay, last summer, but it feels like years!

On the writing front, I'm gearing up to do a major overhaul on 40 Weeks at the suggestions/comments of some people in higher places. I think getting into this revision is just like beginning a diet program, exercise program or getting in the mood for sex--I just have to jump in head first and start doing it, and then I'll be thrilled with the results!

Thanks to all of you who left fabulous suggestions on the itunes front. Also, if anyone knows how to 'share' music with others, my sister and I are trying to trade music!

Sorry so boring, but just felt like talking with you! Hope you all are well! I finally am! xo


Anonymous said...

I haven't thought you were that negative--but then, I'm not exactly Pollyanna! Well, get yourself a sunlamp or whatever, and think April. April's a little early, I know, but it's about the right time to get hopeful.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

KJ--NO! The thing is I'm out of my depressive funk and am happy!!! Thank God! Have that baby already girlfriend!!!

Anonymous said...

Well I was looking at another bloggers page and came across a comment you left and yes, I am guilty, had to look at your page. I realize my comment was a bit harsh but I am an honest person and am sorry for the way it came off.
I really do hope you are doing well and things get a bit better for you. Sometimes you seem extremely fragile and your depressive moments seem to be depressive MONTHS. Awe your page always brought a smile to my face and believe me I've needed it.
Take care and really, I hope the sun shines brighter each day for you and continues to light up the dark places of your life.
Take care Manic.

cubmommy said...

Glad you are feeling better!

her master said...

Do you have one of those goLITE P1 Light Therapy Device type thingies?

Okay. I have something white. It has a temporary blue dot. It's merry most of the time. And it's definitely new. So go look at my blog, Steph! :)

Sugarmama said...

Just for the record, I hadn't ever thought of you as negative either. I really like your blog.

"I think getting into this revision is just like beginning a diet program, exercise program or getting in the mood for sex--I just have to jump in head first and start doing it, and then I'll be thrilled with the results!" I totally get this, and would add "cleaning bathrooms" to that list. But I'll certainly never let on to my husband that I put scrubbing bathrooms and getting in the mood for sex on the same level. Good luck with your revisions!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Anonymous--thank you so much for leaving such a kind comment. As you are, I too, was just being an honest person, sharing my feelings on this blog, whether they are happy, sad, moody, bitchy, crabby...

It's interesting that you say I seem fragile, brings some perspective to me. Maybe I am? And I definitely, definitely had two depressing months of Jan and Feb, but really think it's better now. Thanks to sunshine, and the promise of spring, and the fact that I am now working out again. Really, those endorphin thingies do work!

You know, some of the stuff I do write is for comedic effect, I like to make fun of myself, but I guess readers can't hear me laughing on this end!

This was really beautiful that you wrote:
I hope the sun shines brighter each day for you and continues to light up the dark places of your life.

So, thank you for being so kind, and I hope one day you will make yourself unanonymous and maybe share your blog if you have one? Maybe you are already a friend of mine? Take care!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

cubmommy-thanks! I have to get over to your blog and see how you're doing!

her master--cute new puppy! Everyone should go over and see her master's newest family member! Adorable!

Sugarmama--often, the bathroom cleanup does sound more fun... (oops, did I just say that?)

Anny said...

that's funny that someone actually called you on ur downer mood. people are weird. if i was gonna "change the channel," i'd just do it with no announcement. but i guess you benefitted from it, so no harm done. :)

kim said...

Anonymous would really be concerned for me, I'm downright schitzo on my blog.

I struggle with moods, strained marriage, time management -- all kinds of life.

I'm definately challenged in the brain chemistry department and it has always made me a little sad when people just want you "get over it". The second time you gripe about the same thing -- all but the good friends loose their supportive nature.

A kick in the pants? Fine, but anonymous didn't have to be so mean about it, yikes! I was glad they came back and eased off.

At least you were blogging and working your humor and not curled up under a blanket giving in.

Glad you are feeling better.

eatmisery said...

I'm glad you feel better. Spring will be here in no time at all and you'll be even more sassier! I look forward to it!

Anonymous said...

I don't think anonymous was being mean at all. The depression thing was TOO MUCH, especially when you don't really have anything to be SO depressed about! It sounds like you have a pretty good life so you should appreciate it instead of constantly complaining about it! I understand the daily grind things can get to everyone but 2 months. Glad to hear your doing better.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Man, was I really that bad?

kim said...

It's not tough love when you put up your dukes at the end. Maybe anonymous is not the confrontational type and needed to self protect, but in doing so they came off mean.

Brain chemistry issues are not about the daily grind or what kind of blessing you have in your life -- you can have it all and still struggle miserably. Count your blessings if you've never had to wade through life for weeks/months on end.

Attitude is important, very true. MM, maybe there was some dwelling? I mostly got that you were struggling and were using a bit of sardonic wit to get you through. I admire that you identified what works for you and got yourself to doing it in spite of the dulldroms. (I'm guessing it was more than just a pity party, given the mention of SAD.)

I'm also not trying to start anything up here, but I do want to make a point. As someone who is no stranger to saying the wrong thing, I'm not trying to shoot you down anonymous, rather I'm challenging you to speak with more empathy.

There is a big difference between suggesting someone take a moment for gratitude and telling someone they've got nothing to be bummed about for so long.

Anonymous said...

Hey Derphangus....was that anonymous 1 or anonymous 2 or both???

Um I am #1 and due to professional reasons I stay that way. Manic I do have a blog but would like to keep that anon too. It is not on this site though.
I know I did come off a bit harsh and I did apologize. So derph, I do have empathy. As a professional I'd be out of a job if I didn't. Of course I too have my non clinical moments and feel I have cleaned up my mess a bit.

Anyhow Manic take care...

kim said...

I was talking to anonymous 2.

First half about anonymous 1 to anonymous 2. Second half of comment to anon 2 about anon 2
Wasn't sure there were 2 of you, but thought so since you, anon 1, had already shown your softer side.

Take care all.

Anonymous said...

Have fun on date night - and stay away from Hugo's Frog Bar!