Thursday, March 01, 2007

Manic, Law & Order Style

Notes taken while doing my civic duty as a United States citizen:

8:45 a.m.—
OK, so far, this is really weird to me. I’m sitting in a real courtroom. I’ve never been in a real courtroom before. I feel kind of famous! I have an end seat at least so that is good but I wonder if the person behind me is reading this? I’m not sure what I was expecting but I didn’t think I’d be thrown into a real live courtroom waiting for a judge. Oh, and yeah, they put me up front and the guy said he’ll explain why once we get started. I’m kind of excited maybe I should read the Handbook for Grand Jurors they gave me. Nah. I’ll just wing it. We had to go through security and I have two bottles of water with me. The guard asked me to open one and take a drink. I was so close to being a wiseass and saying, “Can I handle my vodka or what?” after I drank it. That might have gotten me kicked out for sure!

OK. More people came in. I’m going to look around for a while. More later.

8:52 a.m.—
OK, I’m already annoyed by the woman next to me who keeps clearing her throat and swiveling in her chair. How annoying. I’m in a real courtroom!

I can’t wait to stand up and place my hand on my heart – will I say the Pledge? Oh, people are moving out. Wonder if the judge is a man or a woman? Wonder if I’ll have a chance to change my tampon? Wonder when this lady will stop fanning herself and clearing her throat!?! I think she needs a smoke.

Ooh, They all went into another room and said hello to the judge. They’re laughing. And now calling people’s numbers and moving them around the room. I wonder if anyone will snicker when they call number 69? I guess I was expecting to be in a cafeteria-like room, with cushy chairs like a waiting room. Damn this woman next to me with her fanning of herself! Definitely menopausal. How fucking annoying, but I like her shoes. They look like mine.

So much for my Law & Order debut. They asked if it would be a hardship to go to court every Tuesday for the next three months. TWELVE TUESDAYS! I explained my situation of having no family and that I thought it would take some time to find care for Tukey, and then Diva and Ajers after school. The judge excused me. I’m kinda bummed. I feel a little let down, and like I let down my country or the innocent people I could have saved! Plus, there would have been a tour of the jail! Plus, there were hot guys at the courthouse!

Oh well, back to the life of a Manic-Stay-At-Home-Never-Do-Anything-Exciting Mom…


xxxx said...

"Never do anything exciting mom" ... HA! Coming from the woman who helped me play hotel bar stalker until 4 a.m!

And, besides, you ARE going bowling this weekend, right? :) LOL.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

All *I* did was slap ya on the ass for the guy, remember!?!?

And not bowling... ice skating, where I will be sitting in the freezing rink watching my kids cuz I can't iceskate for fear of killing myself!

But, we are seeing our fave band, Poi Dog Pondering Saturday night!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oops, wrong guy. I forgot about the one you wanted to marry.

xxxx said...

Oh my gosh ... URAGBK! What was that guy's name? I can't remember!

Kari Lee Townsend said...

Oh too funny. I've been called a ton of times but I always had little kids and got out of it. The one time they still wanted me to show up in court was when I lived in MA, and then we moved to NY before I had the chance. I hope I get called when my kids are older. I kind of wanted to have the whole experience. My husband made it a little farther than you, but however he answered one of their questions made them excuse him. Snort. Go figure.

Okay, you both seriously have to go to Nationals. I'm dying to hotel bar stalker too.

Jenster said...


So are you one of those juveniles who laugh when the temperature outside says 69?? Me too. LOL

OhTheJoys said...

You are off the hook. I'm sure you would've grown tired after 11 Tuesdays.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...


I know the URAGK part, but what does the B stand for??? BIG???

Kari--if Swish is in for the RWA, then I'm in too! I need my wing-gal with me! (I'm kinda shy in public situations.)

Jenster--totally like a Beavis and Butthead--heh heh, he said 69!

Joys--I woulda been down and out after like 3 Tuesdays, stressing if someone got the kids off the bus, picked up Tukey, etc. Too much!

Save Sheila said...

If you never do anything exciting, my life is at a standstill and boring beyond belief! But boring is good. I've never been called for jury duty. Ever. Now that I have a job, I'm sure they'll call and mess that up somehow!

Lo said...

Although Jenster beat me to it I am lmao at your comment about #69 being called - that is SO something I would think to myself. Really good to know I'm not the only one that thinks like that.

xxxx said...

I KNOW! I realized the B later and I was like, OOPS! Where'd that come from?? LOL.

Yeah you are sooooo shy. ha ha ha ha.