Saturday, May 05, 2007

I Can't Think Of A Title Right Now

I hate when he leaves. We pick at each other, like purposely get into nit-picky fights to make it that much harder, and I know I'm doing it, and I know he's doing it, and he knows I'm doing it and he knows he's doing it, yet we still fight right before he has to go. I don't know if it's a tactic to make it easier? But this time he's gone longer than he usually is, and we were mean to each other. Me, asking him to wipe Tukey's butt before he leaves. Him, telling me that he's already emptied the dishwasher, kept the kids quiet so I can sleep in, cleaned up, fed them breakfast. I asked him if he's keeping score cuz if he is, then I don't want him doing these things around the house and I'll do them when I feel like doing them.

Then, I cry. I flop onto my bed and start crying. Is it my period that's coming? Is it because I know the kids are going to make me crazy when he's gone? Is it because I'm just moody? Is it because I'm going to miss him terribly? I don't know. I just cry. I'm crying right now, and I don't know why.

Ajers has a game. It's about 10:00. I have to take him to the game which starts at 10:30. I am waiting so we can all say goodbye to daddy. He's like, "Doesn't Ajers have to be at his game," all accusatorily, like I'm not keeping up my part of the deal as mom. Like it's going to freaking matter if he's 15 minutes late, which is really 15 minutes BEFORE the stupid game starts. I tell him that we were going to wait until HE left so we could all say goodbye to him. This makes me feel like I'm a bad mom, and come on, it's a stupid baseball game where they just stand in a field three-quarters of the time. Who the fuck cares if he's on time, rather than a half-hour early.

I yell to him, "Then take him!" And I start crying. And Ajers gets in the car, and I'm crying and he hugs me and tells me he'll call me when he lands, and you know I won't wash his dirty t-shirt he slept in last night, and if there's a coffee cup out there that isn't washed, I'll keep it there until he returns and I'm writing this in the hopes of counter-jinxing it so nothing bad will happen when he's gone, and as I'm writing this, I totally know my mom is going to read and freak out, but MOM, DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME! I am going to have a Cinco de Mayo party tonight with all the neighbors and my world-famous Margaritas so I will be fine. Or just drunk and wallowing in my self-pity (See, I can laugh!)

The phone just rang. He has to come back after dropping AJers at his game. He "forgot" something.

I'm glad.

Because I love him.


Anonymous said...

aww honey,if i was near or knew you i would come over an hoist one with you

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Thanks Jenn! I am already feeling much better after a good cry and writing this all out. And I just tried to call my mom to tell her not to worry when she reads this cuz I know it'll keep her up at night and she'll be wishing she was here with me!

I'm a wuss.

The Anti-Wife said...

Wusses are people too! It's good to be in touch with your emotions. It makes you a more interesting writer.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

xxxx said...

Oh! I know what you mean. You guys are great, though. The GREATEST!

I want to come to your party tonight! How was the other party??

Monnik said...

I can identify with this post on sooooo many levels. My DH travels a lot, so we're used to it, kind of. But I still never really get used to it, and if he's going to be gone for a longer time, we'll pick at each other beforehand too.

Have fun at the party with the neighbors. Sounds like a good time!

Dan said...

wow. that's a lot of drama mama.

Frannie Farmer said...

Dang Manic .. you made me cry.
I totally get it. You aren't a wuss - just a mom who doesn't need/want to be doin' it all on your own.
Party at the Farmer house tonight too -- have fun sweets!

Anonymous said...

I totally know what you mean. But think of the great sex when he gets back...;)

Andie said...

that is so sweet.

xxxx said...

BTW, I can't wait until your drunk post at 1 a.m. YEAH! :)

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

No drunk post Swishy babe. It's 10:30 pm. with a buzz, but nothing crazy. soooo ready for bed! I love my bed, and I get to snuggle with Tukey all night long!

Mz Jackson said...

Mr. Jackson and I get in tiffs like that, too. Then we can't remember what we fought about and it all feels so stupid. But that's marriage for ya!
Sweet ending, I loved it.