Sunday, September 09, 2007

I Don't Know What I'm Sayin'

Well, let’s see. I think I am turning into a Type A personality type and I don’t think I like that. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m weaning from my anti-Ds (my new term for anti-depressants), or because I am now taking that other medication.

But, last night, I found myself scrubbing the faucets in the house with that CLR stuff to get rid of mung. At like 8 p.m. on a Saturday night. It was just something I felt like I HAD to do, some OCD type of thing, and that I couldn’t calm down until all the faucets in the house were done.

And I had a complete “two-year-old-toddler-esque” meltdown Saturday. First, I woke up all great and happy (BUT AT 6 AM!)… that’s another story. I am waking up at 6:00 and actually BEING up for the day. It happened yesterday and again this morning I woke up earlier than my normal weekend-9:45-wake-up!

So, Saturday, I went for a power walk, it was beautiful outside, I was in such a GREAT mood, then I got home and BAM!! I can’t even tell you what happened other than there has got to be some little switch in my head that has got a glitch in it, like a wire or something, and right now, as I’m trying to explain this to you, the GD ice cream man’s music is BLARING and kids are screaming, and I can’t figure out the word to use when there’s something wrong with a wire and it sparks or trips or something and just thinking of this is making me almost ready to have a meltdown and SHUTTHE-EFF-UP YOU STUPID ICE CREAM MAN TRUCK!

Phew. He’s gone.

See, that’s the kind of stuff that’s happening to me. It can’t be normal. And then I wonder, “OK is this the ‘new’ me, or is this the ‘old’ me coming back since the old me has been medicated for so long, and do I want me to be new or old, and which way is better, and why am I acting like this?"

On another note (see, I think I’m becoming ADD now too because I can’t keep a single thought in place), it was a weekend full of sports, and I think I’m becoming a soccer mom! Tukey had his first games, and you all know I am not the bragging mom type when it comes to my kids (really, I don’t think I am, but maybe I am. If you’re a bragging mom, do you know you’re a bragging mom, or not?)… but Tukey is an awesome little soccer dude, and he scored one goal yesterday, and was goalie and he STOPPED one goal too. Then TODAY, he made TWO goals. I usually don’t feel my heart swell over my kids, but it really did swell. With pride. Or maybe it’s this new medication that’s making my heart swell! (KIDDING MOM! Don’t worry, I won’t have a heart attack!)

So, the new med seems OK. I don’t think I’m having as many cravings, except for the fact that I want to work out. And get more sleep. But I’m itching lately, like my fingers in the middle of the night for no reason, and I even googled Itch Mites since there was a breakout here just recently, but I don’t have any…

OK, Mr. Manic is singing: Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I love my wifey, she’s so good to me while he is heating up his leftovers from his birthday celebration dinner last night. I think he’s thinking that if I hear him singing so cute that I might just give him another little birthday present later.

But who knows? With the way my mind is working, I might freak out at a minute’s notice and pull a

Lorena Bobbit on him. That would not make a happy birthday present, now would it?

OK, add to the fact that the damn link is NOT working and I have no idea why it's not working and I COULD JUST FREAKING SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S... OK I found one that works: Lorena Bobbit so now I don't have to go all crazy on anyone. And honey doesn't deserve the old Lorena Bobbit treatment anyway; I love him too much.


Monnik said...

Aw, manic. Sounds like you just need to adjust to the new meds and the lack of the old ones. Hang in there.

Yay for Tukey and his soccer awesomeness!!

Anonymous said...

I know exactly what you're saying. I've been on anti-Ds for about 6-7 years, excluding pregnancy. We're in between insurances because my husband changed jobs, so I'm trying to strrrreeeeeeetch the meds for another month. MAN! I can definitely tell a difference! I really have to watch what I say and how quickly I snap.
I really wish I didn't have to take the meds, but without them, no one would want me - not even me!
Good luck on the detox!

Cecily R said...

It so happened to me! Sorry I didn't mention that part (I guess I was thinking more on the physical side of things rather than the emotional). I think it's just matter of letting your body adjust to all the change, and like I said before, coming up with coping strategies.

Craving to workout might be a good way to go...a good endorphin rush can be just as powerful a mood enhancer as anything medicinal.

I don't know, but it sounds really normal to me. But then again, maybe that's no comfort given the source!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Monnik--thanks! I do need to adjust and realize it's just my body reacting to things. Tukey was awesome, thanks!

Angie--OK, this might really be bad of me, but if you're on Effexor, I have EXTRAS!!! (SERIOUSLY, oh wait, I'm not being serious in case some FED drug buster is perusing my blog and in that case, OF COURSE I'm just kidding about this! But then again, I am manic, so who really knows... Angie, email me! LOL, no seriously, email me... oh stop it manic, you're just kidding!

Cecily--you are my drug detox mentor. I do need to know these things. If you say it's normal, then I'm OK with that!

Anonymous said...
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secretmom said...
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KATE said...

Okay again, I LOVE you & your posts! Thanx for being honest! I told you I have to sugar coat things cuz certain family members would think I was horrible if I didn't. (hint, when I don't post anything it's usually cuz I have nothing nice to say)
Okay you are totally normal sweetie! The meds just take time to get into your system. I remember my nurse telling me that when she was on it, she got up in the middle of the night & cleaned her tile with a toothbrush. And then put it back in her husbands drawer, I guess he pissed her off...ha ha I'm just kidding (about the husband thing, hee hee) Anyhow, after the first week or so you'll feel much more back to normal. I'm sure it's a little worse too cuz you're wheening (sp?) off the others. You're going to do GREAT, hang in there.
Like Cecily, I'm sorry I didn't mention that before. But you will love the stuff, I promise.
I don't remember ever itching. Sorry I can't help with that one!

Good Job Tukey!! You're not being Braggy, it's fun to revel in their success! Way to go!! (but maybe I'm braggy, I KNOW I'm crazy & I could very well be braggy too. who knows...)

I think you're great & I love your blog, keep telling it like it is!!
- Kate

KATE said...

Sorry my first comment was like a damn book. I get carried away at times.
I just have to say again that I LOVE your blog & LOVE that you're honest! I'm also loving being part of your "blog family" & I do care about you & what you're going thru! Keep posting sista!!
- Kate

xxxx said...

I feel like I'm like that all the time ... at least you have a reason for it! I'm just snotty! HA!

And I know how much your family-family loves you, but your blog family loves you lots, too! And I really believe that your openness is part of what makes you such an awesome writer. It's something I'm trying to get better at, and I always think, oh, I wish I were as good at expressing myself as my Manic! YOU ROCK!

Anonymous said...

Your blog family loves you so much they send you Tim Tams!!!

Your openess shows the rest of us we are not the only ones who think this stuff...

Anonymous said...

I thought I posted A comment already. As far as I'm concerned, Maybe you posted too many comments. Why are you sharing so much with people you have never met? Uncle Mark told you( when Nana died) to start a journal about your feelings. I recognize...and applaud your writings & communications with others---but what happened to your private journals? That you kept a secret? Do you really think your "blog family" cares as much as we do? 1-4-3 Sorry if this is too much. I LOVE YOU WITH MY HEART & SOUL!!! Love Ya! Mean it! See ya for Ajers last game and his double digits birthday. "FAMILY ROCKS"

Anonymous said...

I think it's awesome that you're able to post how you really feel here. And as a new member of your "blog family" I can say I truly do care how about you and how you're doing. You help me feel more "normal"--whatever that is :) Please ignore Nana, however wonderful she may be and keep posting!!!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

First of all, I can't 'ignore' Nana cuz she's MY MOM!

(Mom, you better hope I never decide to write a memoir! Talk about 'share-overload!!'

I will call you about this. But I'm not doing anything wrong. You don't have to read this. I'm writing this blog in the hopes of connecting with and finding an audience for books I hope to have published someday. This is what practically EVERY author/writer out there does now. And in the meantime, I've been lucky enough to find kind people who can even help me figure out what's going on along the way. Nobody's threatening my family, nobody's saying mean things to me, nobody's getting hurt, nobody's doing anything illegal--I AM NOT DRUG-TRAFFICKING! Sometimes I even manage to make a few people laugh. What is wrong with that?

Ugh, now this is bothering me, but I guess I can't post about it! I'm not hoping these people love me more than my family--that's crazy. I'm not looking for acceptance; I have that already.

And you have to realize, of all people, that the stuff you worry most about mom, is the stuff written mostly tongue-and-cheek.


March2theSea said...

whoa..hope stuff gets better. The walk sounded like you needed it..probably 2 more times that very day!

Stephanie J. Blake said...

Oh. My. God.

It's called SNAP CANYON and I take everyone when I go through it.

This scares me.

It sounds like my PMS behavior!

No wonder why my husband and I almost get divorced around that part of the month.

Hang in there.

la bellina mammina said...

Oh wow! I'm contracting ADD just reading this :-)

KATE said...

You Rock Manic!!

cubmommy said...

Hey my Hubby went to the doctor last week and tried to get him to prescribe the weightloss drug you mentioned and he would not do it. Hubby's dad was on that drug for a month to help kick the weightloss in gear and he ended up losing 70lbs in a year.

Hubby wants to know who your doc is. He really tried to get his doctor to prescribe it but he was told that it is bad, his dad was an exception, and he does not believe in it. Hubby was a little pissed at the doctor.

How is it working for you? Please let me know.

Ashton and John's mom said...

Oh, it is definitely the meds!!

The first day I took them, I cleaned all of my bathroom drawers with a q-tip. I kid you not!! My husband gingerly asked me if I was pregnant again-no joke!!

XYZinn said...

Does 143 stand for I love you? On Big Brother Daniele and Nick had this secret code but it was 1, 5, 3 and I thought it stood for I love you, but they put in the number 5 to throw people off.
You are great. Hang in there. And keep it up with the exercise. That will totally help keep your cool andyou will look fabulous!

XYZinn said...

And what is this weight loss drug cubmommy is talking about??? Details please! :)

CLH said...

You're gonna be okay. I know it. Hang in there.. and remember that b vitamins are your friends.

Drewpy Drew said...

It could be worse. The ice cream guy in my neighborhood has been playing Christmas music all summer. WTF.