Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Suhhhh-Weeet! Dude!

So, you know last week was our 15th anniversary. And we were supposed to go away to a romantic B&B where Mr. Manic was going to have his way with me in the "Juniper" Room, but then my Dad got the "Blue Monster," which is what we're calling the fist-sized mass that was growing inside him, which made the doctor cut my Dad from his upper ribcage down to his pelvis and then staple him up around 30 or so times in an inverted T shape. But the Blue Monster was benign, so it's all good, and none of us cared that my parents couldn't come up to watch the kids for our romantic getaway cuz as luck would have it, not only did my dad get the Blue Monster, but I got the Red Sea.

So there was gonna be no anniversary-sexin' it up anyway, so what's the point of going to a romantic B&B for three nights if all you're gonna do is go out, get drunk, and not be able to take advantage of one another in your drunken state, and no jokes about well, you know. I'm not even gonna go there.

BUT, get this, we were still charged $130 because we didn't cancel 10 days out. Like um, OK lady, like I knew my Dad was gonna have an emergency Blue Monster in his gut that he had to have removed. And I called her crying about it, so it was obvious I wasn't trying to get out of our vacation just cuz I didn't want to go cuz I had my period. Duh.

I almost said to her, "Lady, I have a blog and I know how to use it. I can tell everyone the name of your B&B and then you'll get NO GUESTS EVER!" Ha. How you like me now beeeyotch.

I didn't get me my money back. And even when we suggested we will come later in the summer (literally and figuratively), she wouldn't even let us use that $130 for a future credit.

So now I'm not sure I wanna stay in that stupid Juniper room.

Or maybe I do, and we can do bad stuff in that room that nobody will know about but us. Hee hee hee. I'll get my $130 worth in the end. And they'll need a black light to get all our DNA off the ceiling.

ANYWAY! (ooh, speaking of lights--the lights almost went out--there's a storm! Just thought I'd share so you can get a real feel for how it is when I'm blogging at 12:44 a.m.) This is the story I meant to share:

Our anniversary plans were altered, and Mr. Manic still took a couple of days off work. We went to lunch one afternoon to one of our favorite places, and our usual server, Andy, whose girlfriend cuts my hair, was not there, so I asked for the next best server so we get Kelly, who we'd never met before. She was very nice and accommodating.

Through all of our lunch, Mr. Manic and I were all lovey-dovey romantic and all, and then it was time for dessert...

Kelly, our server, asks: "Did you guys save room for something sweet?"

[Keep in mind, this is oozing with flowery goofy sarcastic sarcasmic fun.]

Me: "I don't need anything sweet. I already have him."

Mr. Manic: "We're in looove." And he grabs my hand across the table.

Me: "Ooh, so in love."

Then Kelly chimes in: "You're luuuh-vers."

Mr. Manic: "Yep, luuuuvahs."

Me: "Yeah," and I look right at Kelly and deadpan, "Just don't tell my husband you saw me here with this guy."

"YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!" Kelly shouts, and her eyes bulge out. The shock on her face was absolutely hysterical because she really thought I was serious!

And then Mr. Manic busts out laughing so loud that everyone in the restaurant turned to see what was so funny, and that made me crack up and so the three of us are busting out laughing, and that's how Mr. Manic and I roll.

Like toilet paper that never runs out--our love...And yeah, most of the time, we're full of shit! Bwhahahahahahahah!

29 comments:

Bunny B said...

LOL! You're hilarious!!!

Martini said...

I must say.....your whole post today is very funny. Good job!

That's why I keep coming back.

Mabunny said...

LOL ! I can just imagine the look on that waitresses face, lol. Good One steph

Rebecca said...

Aww. What an awesome story (The lunch not the bitchy B&B owner). Mr. Manic sounds like an awesome guy. To 150 more years!

Amanda said...

You're a mad woman to be posting at silly o'clock in the morning but I love you for it!

Monnik said...

"And they'll need a black light to get all our DNA off the ceiling."

HA! Funny stuff, manic. But annoying that you didn't get your $130 back.

Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat said...

Now of course I am SOOOOOOO happy for you that your Dad is ok. Whew. Uh that said, when you first said Blue Monster I thought you meant some type of awesome vibrator. ;)

twithhoney said...

This was a great laugh! I would never have the balls to make a comment like that to a waitress... but Honey might.

Bina said...

Dang, sorry about the money! That totally sucks.

But LOVE the story about Kelly. That is TOO freaking funny!

Karen MEG said...

I am laughing, just killing myself laughing over this post. You are something else, manic mommy!!!

As is Manic Dad... my kind of people you are.

So sorry AF visited and screwed up (sorry!) your original plans.

And happy belated 15th... it's ours this year too, and we are so lame, haven't even planned anything yet. We were thinking about a B & B too.

Andie said...

that story just made my day. THANKS!

B. said...

What a fun couple you two are! Do you think Mr. Manic would ever start a blog?

Domestic Spaz said...

Priceless! 15 years and still being lovey dovey and messing with waitresses... I want to be your friend.

Colorado Writer said...

You are so freaking crazy!
Planning around the Red Sea and stuff. OMG!

Anonymous said...

LOL!

How's your dad doing?

Manic Mom said...

My dad is doing great! He is under 200 lbs now, and hasn't been since like 1973 he says! I'm just scared he's gonna be like, "Let me show you my scar" and "Did I ever tell you the time I fought the Blue Monster?" every time he meets someone in the elevator now, cuz that's just how he is!

And my mom--what a godsend--she totally hung through it all and was amazing through it all!!!! Go Mommy!

TONYA said...

You so don't need to be staying at the Juniper room ... just think of all the people before you who have probably 'done something' in the room to pay back the witch on the phone.

Kelly story ... hilarious. Can't believe she fell for it.

March to the Sea said...

don't tell my husband..A+ stuff there MM.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear your dad is doing well and recovering fast. My dad was the same way after hip replacement surgery. "Wanna see the scar?" Um no dad... thanks thats ok." I think the humor helps get them through the situation.

Melissa said...

LOL! OK, now that was hysterical!

A Life Uncommon said...

Wow - after 15 years the way you two roll is just awesome.

Kate said...

Yet another example of why you and Mr. Manic are a matched set. I would pay for a picture of that poor girl's face. And good for her for taking it in stride.

Eileen said...

You two are made for each other.

kristabella said...

That's a weird cancellation policy. As someone who deals a LOT with hotels, it is normally 72 hours at most. Not effing 10 days. When I was having trouble with my gym, I almost pulled the whole "I have a blawg" thing, but then realized how idiotic it would sound.

Michelle said...

Oh I love it, I love it, I love it! I'm so going to have to remember that trick.

So glad to hear your dad's mass was benign and that they got it out! Definitely a huge relief for you, I'm sure.

As for the B&B, if you need a recommendation, I know of a good one up in Lake Geneva that I've ahh enjoyed. If you go to a different one and like it though, definitely share!

Melisa said...

Hee hee...you are TOO MUCH.

You didn't take him to Bar L&*(#, did you? Cause that's OUR place. LOL

morninglight mama said...

Manic, I think I love you. In that you-are-the-coolest-funniest-blogger-and-I-wish-you-were-my-next-door-neighbor-so-we-could-hang-out way, of course, not in the oh-my-god-I-want-to-marry-you way. :)

You continue to freaking crack me up.

Mary said...

LOL!!

We are going to celebrate our anniversary a couple months early this year. Our baby is due a few days before our 20th anniversary... so... hopefully we can get away.

Happy Anniversary to you, even though it didn't go as planned.

Amanda said...

Just another gullible yank....BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Happy anniversary and happy hunting for an even better B&B. The Juniper room place OBVIOUSLY just don't know q god thing when they see it.