Friday, December 05, 2008

Me, a BooB JoB?

EDIT: *as requested--the photo in question updated below --

Two things to bring us into a Merry Manic Weekend:

The first item of importance --

I was shopping at Target this morning when my phone rings and it's my mom, and she doesn't say hello or how are you, or anything.

The first thing out of her mouth:

"Tell me the truth. Did you get a BOOB JOB!?"


I'm like, "First of all, mom, when would I have the TIME TO GET A BOOB JOB and when would I have the TIME TO RECOVER FROM A BOOB JOB? Answer me that? When would I have the TIME?"

And not that I've given it too much thought in my life, but in no particular order of vanity, a boob job would NOT be the first order of cosmetics I would attend to if I had an indispensable amount of money.

The first order of business would be laser hair removal for my upper lip. Which I am seriously considering for the big 4-0. And then probably some ass liposuction, although I think I've mentioned it here quite a few times how much that skeeves me out whenever I've seen that surgery performed on The Discovery Channel, the way that wire piping gets shoved in and out of the layer of skin really fast to break up the fat. Nope, not for me.

Besides, I'm currently working on a bestseller that's gonna rival Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck."

It's called, "I Feel Bad About My Fat Ass."

If she can write a bestseller about the flappy skin on her freaking neck, surely the pockets of flab on my butt are worth some humor, right?

So, I've got to keep my fat ass. At least until I write the book, sell it, and become a millionaire so I can afford the liposuction.

So, NO, mom. I did NOT get a boob job on my FACEBOOK photo. That is just a very nice push-up bra. Thanks for being concerned!

Second order of business.

This is why I don't dust:

I notice some dust up on the light fixture. What do I do? Logic tells me to grab the closest item to me and lean over the banister to swipe at the offending dust strings. So, I do. The closest item just happens to be an undershirt, or as we like to call 'em, a wife beater.

So, it gets stuck up there on the light fixture. I think it makes a nice addition to our holiday decorations, don't you? I don't think it's coming down anytime soon either. I think I might need to find a red and green one too, just for some symmetry and color.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Photo in question - see, nothing major:


AutoSysGene said...

OMG, I love the way you decorate. I'm so glad things like that don't JUST happen to me.

I'm off to check your Facebook account for your Boobalicious picture!!

My Two Army Brats said...

That is freakin fantastic! YOu could have at least posted the picture here so we didn't have to go hunt it up.

get some pruning shears and cut the wife beater down!

Amanda said...

Post the pic or I'm going to miss out! (too scared to visit facebook, blogs about my limit)

So no swinging from the chandeliers then? Have to confess dusting was not my first thought as to how a vest landed on your light. LOL!

MaBunny said...

Love it! Your mom freaking out becasue she thought ou got a boob job, lol.
Like the t-shirt hanging from the light fixture - gives it that manly touch:)

Just A Girl In GA said...

That looks like a Ghost, to bad you didn't do that around Halloween time.

I used to feel the same way about surgery until... I woke up one day and saw a huge line on my face. I now do injections, I will confess they hurt but they help.

Andi said...

I like the picture. Made me want to get to know you more,and I love the tshirt hanging. I have a Little Giant Ladder you can borrow to get it down.

I am putting together a Chicago Fund to come to the big bad city. Probably in the summer when my kids are gone. It's only a train ride up from St. Louis. Hope we can get together if it happens.

Stephanie J. Blake said...

I'm laughing right now. I chose LASIK over a boob job. I need to go look at your boob pic.

Also, my kids threw one of those sticky hands up into the air at the vaulted ceiling, and it stuck 18 feet up. It took about a month for it to fall down. But first, it hung by its tail for almost a week.

Michelle said...

Better that she asked about that one rather than the popcorn ball picture! It is a nice push up picture though.... It cracks me up that your mom called all freaked out.

I think I'd go for the laser, but not just on my lip (although yes on my lip, too). And Lasik, I think. And liposuction. No boob job though unless they can make me stick up like I did back in college.

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

What a lovely photo! You look great. I could create the cleavage if I could figure out a way to hide the vise grip that would be on either side of my body squishing me together.

Call the t-shirt, "MuscleToe" and there, it's a holiday decoration a la Tony Soprano. ;)

Mommy In Pink said...

LOL! This post was hilarious!

TTQ said...

Oh the wife beater hanging there.that's awesome! I would leave there till it turns yellow and looked like a long cobweb.

Nice Rack! For my big 4-OH (Ouch). I'm getting my rack hiked up, where they shorten the muscles from the shoulder to make them perky! Big boobs are fine till gravity gives up.. My mom knows that I am planning this, my husband is prepared to pay and I'm good to go.

Oh and for 36 or 37 I'm getting my nose done, purely because I snore. psych!

TTQ said...

Oh and I'm not above a botox shot or two...

Drewpy Drew said...

Just tell everyone that the wife beater/light shade is the newest thing. You are such a trend setter, everyone will be doing it soon.

Trish Ryan said...

Just imagine what your mom would think if you put on the push-up bra AND the wife beater??? (Once you're done using it to accessorize your foyer, that is!)


Unknown said...

Wow! You are so freaking pretty!!!! And I LOVE your house, at least what I can SEE of it, including the tee shirt. I may try that when I feel like redecorating. I'll call it "Manic style".

Billie Wages said...

Jim paid you a very nice compliment on your picture when I showed you to him on Facebook.

Are you doing the blood drive again? I have a treatment next week.

Shawna Lee Coronado said...

I think your boobs look quite lovely. I've seen them up close - across a lunch table so I feel I can say the truth.

And since I've hit 40, I do love Victoria Secret with a passion that surpasses my love for chocolate. Victoria is our friend!!
Victoria can lift the girls up higher than a bunch of kleenex's ever could.