Sunday, February 14, 2010


It’s Valentine’s Day. I’ve been married to the same man for almost 17 years. We’ve celebrated nearly 17 married Valentine’s Days together, and one or two prior to that. I can dig through this house and unearth easily 60 Valentine cards from both of us because we always give one another a funny and a mushy card. And I’ve never thrown a single card away.

Last year was the first year he didn’t give me a card but his excuse was that we spent Valentine’s Day downtown Chicago at a black-tie event. Me? I got him two cards last year. A funny and a mushy card.

Today is Valentine’s Day. I brought out bags of treats for the kids and a bag for Mr. Manic. We don’t always exchange gifts for each other, in fact, I don’t believe in giving gifts for this holiday. A nice dinner out or an event shared together is a good way to celebrate. Just to acknowledge we love one another.

A card. All week I kept thinking to myself, “He’s not going to get me a card, he’s not going to get me a card.”

Do you see where I’m going with this? Yup.

I don’t usually air this type of dirty laundry on the blog, because too many people in the family read this, too many of my close friends read this, and I hate that about this blog. They’ll think I’m dissing him. That I’m saying bad stuff about him. He’s an awesome husband, a way-beyond belief father, everything you could even ever imagine or want in a husband, friend, father, provider. He’s everything to me. But he fucked up today. In my book. Made me so angry and upset. I’m mad. He didn’t deliver. Maybe he’s preoccupied about our family’s future (and there’s a LOT going on there that I haven’t divulged on the blog that I will soon), but still. All I was hoping for, SERIOUSLY, was that funny card, and that mushy card. That two that I’ve come to look forward to.

So, this morning, I gave the kids and Mr. Manic their gift bags and cards. The kids got candy and itunes cards. Hubby got some treats and a Dave Matthews CD. BUT, when he got the gifts, no thank you, but a “I didn’t know we celebrated.”


We DON’T celebrate Martin Luther King. We don’t celebrate Sweetest Day. We don’t celebrate Groundhog’s Day (well, actually, we DO acknowledge Groundhog’s cuz that’s the day we met), but WE have ALWAYS done something to share and show our love for Valentine’s Day.

So, then later, he left with the boys to go to the health club to work out and I took to Twitter to bitch about his lack of love on this day of love, saying things like ‘If he comes home with grocery store flowers, I will say, “That really wasn’t necessary” and toss them in the trash.’ And truthfully, I didn’t know if I would be more mad if he came home with flowers and a card or if he came home empty-handed because that would mean that he really didn’t give a shit about my feelings at all. I have just been so hurt by this today. Still, thinking about it now, it just bugs me that I am an afterthought, so taken for granted, and it makes me think, “Am I taking him for granted?” Is this what we have become?

Are we at an impasse? Ha, to quote Patrick in Spongebob.

So, back from the gym and voila! He approaches me with a small bag that I realize is from the Spa at our health club and announces that he has scheduled and already paid for an hour-long massage for me on Tuesday at 10:00, whereas Ajers chimes in, “IT WAS MY IDEA!”

Strike Two for Daddy. He didn’t even think of it on his own. My SON had to suggest it to dad as a peacekeeping tactic.

As graciously as I am able to, I say thank you and set off for the gym, because I have been going 5 days a week, and at this point of aggravation, I have a lot angered energy to expend and why not get on the treadmill and elliptical to rid myself of it. But first I stop at the Spa.

“Hi, I think my husband just stopped in and scheduled a massage for me?”

“You’re Stephanie?”

“Yes I am.”

“Yeah, he did just come in.”

“Well, I’d like to cancel that appointment. I don’t want a Valentine’s gift that’s an afterthought. So I’m not coming in on Tuesday for that massage, but I will reschedule it on my own time.”

She totally laughed, and believe me, I will use that massage when I’m damn well ready to use it, but he could have actually spent eight bucks on two cards to just tell me how much I meant to him, how much he appreciated me, how glad he is that I am the mother of his children. That’s really all I wanted from him on this day. That’s all.

And he went and screwed it up. Are all men this clueless? I don’t get it.


Unknown said...

i feel your pain. my hubby, j.b. has done nothing. nothing for me today. he says he doesn't believe in this holiday. i repeat again. nothing. and i am here on the Net. and still nothing. 9pm. Fb. 14.

Anonymous said...

It is not just husbands who can be utterly clueless. At my house, it was my wife who utterly dropped the ball.

All I can do is look at her and shake my head. We've been married for 30 years. We've always exchanged cards or something on valentine's day - for something like 35 years. I've never missed a valentine's day. This year she just looks at me. No card. no nothing. She made a cake buy only because our daughter wanted a heart shaped cake.

Julie said...

sorry steph, you deserve way more than that! xxoo

Michelle said...

I think a lot of men are. I'm not sure where it comes from, but oh there's that gene. On the plus side, Ajers may be spared that distress in the future ;)

Enjoy that massage when you can... and go you for 5 days a week at the gym. That's my goal but I don't yet have the time to do so with all my other commitments. I can't wait to see what you look like all skinny and everything!

Shelley said...

On the bright side, I hear Hugh Grant is single. ;) Would you believe I still don't understand Twitter?

MaBunny said...

yeah I think I would have been a little miffed too. Enjoy your massage WHENEVER you go get it done:)

Martini said...

Manic - Perhaps he misunderstood a previous conversation about not celebrating this Holiday? Perhaps he didn't see it as huge issue waiting to happen? Check it out - he didn't pull a Tiger Woods, spent time with his family & tried to make amends. Given issues that lots of marriages deal with ... it could be worse. Think you should cut him some slack .... just sayin.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Martini?!?! The one and ONLY? You're still around? OMG! SO yeah, I totally here HIM in your writing. He would say, "What do you want? I'm not out drinking with the boys till 3 a.m. or gambling, or screwing around!" Plus, I did totally thank him for entertaining my dad all weekend long! As I said, ALL I WANTED WAS A CARD and some appreciation. And nope, there was never a conversation where we said, "Hey, let's cancel Valentine's Day and pretend it doesn't happen!" haha, nice try though, and thanks for chiming in. Been a while! nice to see you 'round these here parts! :)

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oops, typo, Not HERE, but HEAR.

CLH said...

Hey, my hubby openly hates V-day. SO I tell him not to bother getting me anything, because if he hates the day why should we bother? I usually do something sweet like give him a card or something, but this year I'm just like, forget it! Because he's a hater. So he comes home with the cheap box of chocolate and a nice card in which he writes, "You know how I feel about this day, but I'll love you forever and always" or something to that effect. So I'm like, am I supposed to be grateful to get something when I know he doesn't want to give it? Men are ridiculous. Of course I can't too much complain because my hubby has been doing the dishes every night for the last three weeks. He's either cheating on my or begging for a ....hhaha nevermind!!! Christa