Tuesday, August 08, 2006


I made a mistake today.

This part's not the mistake: Mom and I took the kids to church camp and then we went to the mall to do a few returns without kids in tow. That all was fine. The mistake happened when we walked by the men's cologne.

I saw it there.

The ex-boyfriend's cologne.

"Hold on mom, I just gotta smell this," I said as I grabbed the spherical bottle that housed the liquid and carressed it in my hands, lovingly, I might add.

I closed my eyes as my mom stood by. I put my nose up to the sprayer and I didn't sniff, I inhaled as deeply as if I were a crack-addict knowing it would be the last time I would ever snort.


If memories could come into a bottle, my mind exploded. This is a scent that plummets me back to a time left behind. Of scenes from days I wish I could have photographed, of conversations I wish I had recorded, of senses I wish I could... not feel again, but just know. I felt like I was struck numb, but all these feelings wanted to errupt.

I suddenly felt his chest, saw him looking at me, touching me, talking to me, whispering. Could feel my nose pressed against his neck, just below the ear, and I closed my eyes, thinking. I could hear all the music: All This I Should Have Known, by Breathe, Open Arms (like I need to tell you that's Journey), Sign Your Name Across My Heart (My God, that was a hot night when this song played).

"Mom," I said, after I opened my eyes. "This is seriously an orgasm in a bottle."

I sprayed some onto my shirt and I keep lifting up the front neckline of it to smell what used to be him. What I still remember of him.

I am positive I will dream of him tonight. And these are always the kind of dreams where I wake up in a disillusioned mood the next day.


And does anyone care to guess the cologne?


pog mo thoin said...

Holy crap! I had this conversation today with a friend! Why? Tell me why that you are still thinking about this guy! Have you been able to move on? Are you married to someone else? Why the disillusionment? Do you have regrets? Enquiring minds need to know!!!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Pog--I'm answering your questions:

I don't know why I still think about exes. I guess people do. If my husband were my ex, and we were never married, I am sure I would be thinking about him, wondering where his life has headed. I think all women do this, but I also think men do not think about exes as much as women do. And this was not even an "I LOVE YOU" ex, and it wasn't a very long relationship.

Of course I have moved on! LOL

Yes, I'm married to someone else! 13 years, three kids!

I don't know why the disillusionment.

I definitely do not have any regrets over the choices I've made. None at all.

Don't you ever wonder about the people who come into your life and why they were there? What did they teach you? How are you a better person because of that involvement from the other person.

I wonder about these things. Plus, it's really good stuff to write about. I think so anyway.


Sarcasm Queen said...

Love your blog - I'm a lurker but this one hit home... There are just certain smells (cologne, fall, etc) that bring back certain memories of the ex-boyfriend. I love my husband dearly and have no regrets (hell, the ex now is bald, smokes 2 packs a day and delivers wonder bread - what is there to regret?) but there is something about those memories that just take you back. I remember after we broke up and I picked up the phone after he left and it SMELLED LIKE THAT DAMN COLOGNE...I sat there and just INHALED it like no other. My guess - POLO Cologne. Do I get a prize?

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Hey sarcasm, thanks for speaking up! You totally understand where I'm coming from. It's all in the smell.

Not Polo, but good guess! I'll be checking out your blog if you have one soon! THanks for outting yourself! : )

Martini said...

If I were guessing....Halston 1-12, Z-14 or Aramis.

I wonder if my ex-girlfriends do that same thing? Maybe that's why they attempt to cuddle with me during homecomings?

Check out my blog today....I'm desperate to make five.

BTW...I think of the same type special moments when I smell perfume. Funny how it sticks with you.

B. said...

Ummm...was it Hugo Boss?

cubmommy said...

Funny you should mention that. I have dreams quite a lot about an ex-boyfriend. I think the reason is because he was my first real boyfriend when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I wonder a lot about what he is doing and how he is. I think he still lives the in the I grew up in and is married with lots of kids. I don't regret anything with him. I have the best husband and we are truly soul mates.

The ex was really hot though with nice muscles back then!

Drewpy Drew said...

Dang, I was going to guess Polo. Back when Journey was playing, Everyone was wearing Polo. Way too much Polo. Like "making your eyes water" too much. And I hope you've gotten over listening to Journey. The first step is to admit that you have a problem...


mamashine said...

Obsession for Men. That's my guess. Or possibly Drakkar. Maybe I just think that because those are the two I sniff obsessively, exactly like that.

And yeah, why DO we do that? I have no desire to actually be with either of those guys anymore and am really happy with my life.

Yet I sniff. And remember.

i am not said...

I was going to guess obsession or drakkar, so i'll go with cool water, which always reminds me of friends of mine - however it has to be cool water tinged with cigarette smoke to get the full effect.

i dream of my ex once in a while and it disturbs me for the entire day afterward. he didn't wear cologne, but if he did i'd be doing the same thing.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

KEP--dingdingding! You are correct! Obsession for Men.

Close my eyes and smell him.

JD--you're right too with Obsession. Interesting you mention Cool Water because if I was thinking about my husband as if he were an ex, that's what I would inhale to remember him.

Anonymous said...

My ex wore obession as well and everytime i smell it I think of him, hell always have a piece of my heart, I'm a very lucky married woman, as I still keep in contact with my ex who is married with kids to another lady, my husband lets me keep in contact and let's me keep my memories of it.. After all my ex was my first love, however, my hubs is my final and all time fave love, great post!!!


Anonymous said...

mmm... I love those reminiscent smells of days and people past, doesn't have to be a fragrance, anything at all that takes me back to my childhood, holidays, friends etc. etc.
Sooooo many HOT guys come into my work smelling even HOTTER! I would feel weird about asking them what they are wearing though, lol. Gotta love working in the CBD! suit and tie does it for me everytime :) hehe
I think about my ex's all the time, I even had a dream that one was in our national soap/drama tv program the other night! He used to wear MY perfume too! bastard used up the whole damn bottle. Sometimes he'd use toilet spray too, he was too lazy to go buy deoderant, what was I thinking?! :S

Jess Riley said...

The ex I associate with cologne used Joop. God, he had gorgeous eyes. And don't get me started on the rest of him!

Of course I'm curious as to what's happened to him...in fact, I'm going to Google him right now. ;)

xxxx said...

Obsession might be orgasm in a bottle, but Drakkar is liquid sex! :)

I think that is totally normal. Girls do it more than guys, although guys kinda do it too. I Google my old boyfriends at least once a year. And I always wonder what if ... it doesn't mean I wish I had stayed with them, because I don't, but I think it is normal to wonder about the path not taken.

Rachel said...

OMG, I dream about my ex all the time! I have ISSUES. I had to laugh at Swishy's comment about Drakar. The ex wore Drakar and every time I even see the bottle my toes curl.

The Dummy said...

Yeah, there's definitely something about scents that bring back the memories. I'm sure everyone wondered what happened to Ex and the story behind him, given the way you wrote about him.

So, Obsession, huh? Did it give you an orgasm? :)

Anonymous said...

How does your husband feel when he reads your blog?

Steve H said...

great post - smell is known to the the sense that brings back nostalgia the most.

the perfume is associate with, believe it or not, was anais anais

Anonymous said...

Funny, Obsession is the one cologne that I can't stand...because it reminds me of an ex!

You are right, the smell reminds me immediately of him. It isn't like I don't ever think about him and wonder where he is now. I agree, I think all women do that. I look back on that relationship and realize how possesive and moody he was. I hope his attitude has changed since then. He wasn't abusive, he was just right all the time.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

For Just Me: Mom, are you reading my blog again! LOL.

Seriously though, my husband completely knows I love him; I show him how much all the time! And he rarely reads the blog, which is very interesting to me because if he had a blog, I would be scouring through it every day. But I don't think his mind works like mine. This is an outlet for me, a way to be expressive. Hub knows I would suck the smell out of an Obsession bottle and pin it to myself if I could! LOL.

Thanks for stopping by!

DD--NICE TO SEE YA BUD! You engaged yet?

Hotwire--at first I thought you typed Anus Anus and I was like, "What the hell does that smell like?!?!" Then I realize Anais Anais. I LOVE THAT PERFUME, and it will definitely conjure up some memories for me.

What about these scents: Ralph Lauren's Lauren, Giorgio, White Linen, and my personal favorite: Exclamation, which Hub went to buy me one of our first CHristmases together when we were dating, and he went to an upscale department store looking for it. The lady at the cosmetic counter told him to check out Walgreen's!!! Yep, I am high-maintenance.

I don't wear perfume any longer--ever since I was pregnant with Ajers, I can't stand smelling myself--gives me a headache.

Becky said...

I found your blog, quite by mistake, but love it none the less. I've been a lurker for a couple of weeks, but this post I can totally relate to.

I have memories of ex's associtated with Polo, with Drakkar, with Obsession. Just the smell can transport me back across time, years, marriages, children, and I'm 17 again, or 21.

Thanks for writing this. It's nice to know I'm not the only one. LOL

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Becky, it's nice to know others feel this way about smelling something.

ANd for those skeptics out there: Just because I have memories of an ex does not mean I want to leave my husband and family and go jump some guy's bones who I knew 19 years ago--they're memories, that's all, and they're fun and good to have. It makes me remember who I was and that's a cool thing.

Andie said...

my high school sweetheart (who died in 1994) wore obsession for me. I loved it. It would make me want to make out with him for hours! LOL

Cool Water, on the other hand, grosses me out because I dated this guy who would drown himself in it after playing basketball, so it would mix with the smell of BO and now I can't stand the smell of it. I have a coworker who wears it and I gag everytime he walks in with it on.

A scent that STILL gets me. Swiss Army for me (my hubby's scent) and also Eternity for Men. Oh. MY. God. Reminds me of this hottie little frat boy I once dated in college.

xxxx said...

OK!!! So ... did you dream about him?

Shrig said...

Hi! Thanks for the commet. I felt WAY better after I wrote entry.

As for this cologne experimemt you just conducted, I think it was brave on your part to do it. I once took a class where the prof said that smell is one our worst senses (compared to others in the animal kingdom) but we remeber the MOST by what we smell at that particular time and place. Scent brings back not only a lot of memories, but vivid ones. Espeically if you really liked this guy or he was very influential in your life, then its all the more reason.

My guy use to wear Polo Sport. Every time I smell it to this day, it takes me back to when we first met. ::Sigh:: That was a good night.

Christa said...

Great post! I had a run in of sorts with my ex this morning- its on my blog!!!! Where ya been??? seems like forever since we chatted!!!!! It is the moon, it must be!!!

Sherri said...

"Open Arms" makes me smell Brut and night air.

I'm supposed to be on a blogger haitus. It's sooo easy to get lost on here and get no work done.

Cute little blog you got here :)