Friday, February 10, 2006

OK, This Is So Totally Wrong...

I've canceled my dermatologist appointment and instead, I am going to lie in a tanning bed for twenty minutes.

This is just wrong. But I'm gonna do it, because lying somewere warm right now will feel a whole lot better than some old guy poking around my flab and pasty body who will eventually just end up telling me I have sun damage.

No shit. I lived in Florida until I was 16. Nothing's going to change that. We baked ourselves silly any chance the sun was out and the temperature was about 60 degrees in college (remember girls). We grabbed tinfoil by the foot and strategically placed it underneath our bodies to get maximum sun exposure. We scoffed at SPFs and bought Baby Oil in 48-ounce sized bottles. We basked in the Spring-Break Daytona sun eight hours straight, drinking tons of beers and wearing bikinis and no sun screen.

So guess what? I'm cold. I'm drearily bummed out with this effed-up weather, and two friends suggested a visit to Mr. Tanning Bed. This sure as hell beats a visit to Mr. Let's-grope-you-all-over-in-search-of-non-existent-moles-and-tell-you-you-have-sun-damage-and-recommend-some-overly-priced-cosmetic-shit-to-rub-on-my-body-while-also-charging-me-a-freaking-co-pay.

I'm spending that co-pay at the tanning salon!

13 comments:

Jess Riley said...

This is hilarious! And you're so right about the way tanning was almost a competitive sport "back in the day." Unfortunately, I've got age spots from Ye Olden Tanning Bed Days. Age spots, my friend. I'm only 31.

Manic Mom said...

Jess-Man you must have read this the second I posted! I've got the spots too deary, and just wait if you have children--more spots arrive, unexplainable ones.

I don't want to get tan, I just want to get warm. I wonder if I'll burn. Maybe I don't want to do this? *cringe* Maybe I'm scared? Anyone got a nice, warm steaming sauna available?

Looking soooo forward to our getaway, even though it's not anywhere warm! (see, I'm making the readers wonder! ; )

Heather said...

This is SO funny! Why do I find it funny? I don't know - BUT I DO!

Joel said...

Dammit, woman! Two years from now your blogs will be about how you hate your wrinkles :P Mark my words... mark them well.

Oh, and you can take the link to my blog off your site now, since it doesn't exist (what was is implied by said link is no longer true).

Manic Mom said...

I smell like a tanning booth. Do you know that smell? It's yucky. But man, I came out of there smiling, and cheery, and have plans to cook a nice dinner for friends and to drink wine!

I will NEVER get wrinkles, Mr. Joel. By the way, can I update the OLD blog with the NEW blog? I would like to share your words with others. S.

Cee said...

It was 83 here today, warmth is not an issue with me. I was sweating at one point while cleaning the house. I quite cleaning.

As a redheaded fairskined person I never tanned. I burned and gave up trying to tan years ago. I found tan in a bottle to put on my legs, thats my summer tan.

MoDigli said...

Ah yes, the good ol days when we'd fry ourselves to a crisp! I did it all thru middle and high school. and today, I have a few rather large, uhm, freckles on my face. I try to stay out of the sun as much as possible now, though, as it only aggravates my brown spot. (ugh) ... which is torture, I tell you! I still love the look and feel of being tan.

Why, oh why, is it so bad for us?

cubmommy said...

You have to take the warm where you can. The winters here are too long.

Doug Bagley said...

ROFLMBO!!! I don't blame you. Warmth beats the heck out of a cold table, being prodded and poked in every oraface Dr. Magic Fingers can find, and then having to pay boo coo bucks for the pleasure. At least the dude could by ya dinner or offer you a smoke afterward.

kj said...

Smoke a cigarette afterwards for me, 'kay?

J Holden said...

those places always smell like burnt skin

ewww

Joel said...

MM - of course you can. Just change the name of the link :)

Kristen said...

That is wrong - but not as bad if you wear sunscreen?! Who knows LOL