Friday, June 09, 2006

Butts, Boob, and Getting Some Booty

What is with my butt!!? What is the big attraction with my butt (besides its size, I mean?)

The people in this family love my butt. Why does every single member of this family feel the need to come near me and give it a little poke, jiggle or slappity-slap every time they walk by?

It's just an average butt, maybe, okay, probably a little bit too big, and as Ajers claims, "It's kinda flabby, Mom," which is okay, FINE! Then why the hell does everyone need to TOUCH ME ALL THE TIME! My space, my butt! Puhlease let me and my butt be!

And the boob thing is an issue now too. Diva is constantly trying to grope me, to casually feel a little boobalicious blob of booby. And the questions these days!

"Mom, did you breastfeed me?"

"Why not?"

"Why did you breastfeed the boys but not me?"

"Can I touch them?"

WHY? "Because I want to know what they feel like."

Good, I'll go fill up two water balloons for you and you can fondle them all day long or until they pop and splat all over your shoes, Missy.

And other stuff, like:

"Mom, what hurt more? When they cut Ajers out of your belly, or when I came out of your cootchie?"

My answer: It was really hard to get you out of there (she was 9lbs, 4oz), but I think it was mostly because she was stubborn.

And she seemed pleased that she hurt me more entering this world.

Yes, she is going to be my challenging child.

And then, Ajers today sees the word SEX on the computer. Hell, he could see it anywhere he looks, in songs, on billboards, in magazines, on TV, so why not just start talking about it. So, he points to the word and giggles.

I look at him.

"I know you know what it means," I tell him.

Giggles. Then, "Yeah, it means it's either a boy or a girl." Good, he remembered my first explanation way back when.

"But, I know you know more about what that means, and we can talk about it."

"No mom. It's embarrassing."

"No it's not. It's just a word. And I know you know."

And we're laughing with one another and I'm so proud we are having this discussion because I always want to be open with my children; I want to tell them what they want to know, but not everything, because they don't need to know everything yet.

"I knew when I was your age," I tell him. Then I say, "Just tell me two words about it."

(Here I'm thinking he will say PENIS and VAGINA).

"Three words," he says.

"Okay." (Please, please, please, don't say BUTT!)

Here are his three words:




"And then what?" I ask, because this is the point I would find out how much he really knew.

"They make out."


"Why do people do that?" he wants to know.

"Well, I guess it's kind of like a hug. You like being hugged, don't you? It's a way of being close."

"Do you and Daddy do it?"

"Sometimes, but not all that much."

"Like on a honeymoon?" he says.

"Yeah, or an anniversary or a birthday," I tell him.
(Oh, and of course, Father's Day, but NEVER on Mother's Day!)

And that was about it for the discussion. He was embarrassed in the beginning, but I let him know it's okay to talk about this stuff with me, and now he's got some answers, not all of them, but at least we've got the door open and I'm pretty sure he feels comfortable knowing if he has any questions ever, he can come to me to ask.

(Shoot, I just realized post-conversation that I didn't explain to him that only adults do this! I'VE FAILED AT MY FIRST SEX TALK WITH MY SON!)


Sugarmama said...

Ha! On Father's Day but not Mother's Day. This is very funny to me.

And hey, you think YOU failed at your first sex talk with your kid? During MY first sex talk I COMPLETELY neglected to mention the penis and the vagina AT ALL! It was all about the sperm coming from the daddy and the egg from the mommy...but NO MENTION of where these items might come from! Ack!

Andie said...

my parents didn't even give me the sex talk. they got my older sister to do it.

With a book. When I was 13. I already knew everything I needed to know! LOL

and do you know, up until I was about 16, if a movie was on, my mother would rush to try and change the channel when a sex scene would come on? And then she would say "what is this rated?"

I swear my parents DID NOT want me to know what sex was. LOL

I think you did a fabulous job! I think being open is the way to go!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Sugarmama--you did the right thing! I didn't say anything about specific body parts EITHER! I thought he knew but really, I am not sure he has a clue yet!

Andie--I remember anytime The Facts Of Life TV show came on, I would blush terribly and pray to God my mother didn't ask: "Do you know what the facts of life are?"

I finally got the 'real' talk when my parents found out I had read Forever by Judy Blume.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

Hi Steph
(I'm on the Chick-lit Loop) These conversations you are having with your children are hilarious! Mine are more interested in why their daddy is taller than me if I'm older than him. That or informing me that I'm going to die first among all of us (because I'm the oldest). We have not yet done the sex talk, and I must say I'm not looking forward to it. I know I will make a horrendous mess of it.

I'd keep good track of all these quotes for an upcoming book...funny, funny, funny.


cubmommy said...

Thank goodness Big Cubby hasn't asked the sex question yet. I am ready for it though.

LZ Blogger said...

I thought dad's had the talks with the boys and the moms have the talks with the girls, if not there would NOT be a NEXT generation! ~ jb///

Andie said...

Yes! Forever by Judy Blume! My mom didn't know what that book was about. Good thing!

Are you another Judy Blume fan? I happened to come across her website, and she had a guestbook... and I left her a message, and she EMAILED me back.. specific details about my post! Talk about make my day! She's one of my favorite writers!

You crack me up!

The Dummy said...

Cute conversations you have with your kids. You'll have plenty of other times to talk about it I'm sure! My parents never talked to me about it. Not that we needed any prompting!