Thursday, December 29, 2005

A Cow Chewing Cud (And Her New Year's Resolutions)

That's what it would sound like if you could hear me chewing my gum right now.

What the hell is "Cud" anyway? I'm too lazy right now to look it up.

So, here's a randomly brainstormed resolution list I am going to scale down in the next coming months I am sure, but I guess it's a start, and I bet you can probably all figure out what I'm going to say, right? You probably think, "Oh great, Manic Mom is going to say she needs to stop eating crap and start writing more because she's lately been complaining a lot about eating too much and writing too less.

So, if you guessed that stuff, you're probably right! Here goes:

1. Cut out expensive trips to Starbucks for my grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalattenowhipextrahot. (Okay, not 'cut-out' as in completely cut out, but maybe just tone down the latte intake to maybe just two times a week. That's do-able, right?)

2. Get my fat ass on the Dread-mill every single day and go for at least two miles or as long as Oprah is interesting. This one, I can do. This one, I MUST DO!

3. Get back on track with Weight Watchers and with counting, (AND WRITING DOWN) daily points intake. One good thing about my holiday weight gain is I can now add a couple points as I think I've managed to work my way up into the higher points-intake bracket, which I guess, actually is NOT A GOOD THING BECAUSE THAT JUST MEANS I GOT FATTER!

4. Attend Weight Watchers meetings weekly.

5. Work it into my schedule so that I am working at least 10 payable hours a week so I can start making some real money.

6. Use every single free hour I am sans children for writing fiction/querying agents/editing novel that currently sucks.

7. Accept the fact that 40 Weeks may never be commercially published if I haven't secured a reputable agent I fall completely in love with (and she/he vice versa with my writing and me) by ... June 30, 2006. There it's on paper, or computer screen, or whatever, so I need to be accountable for this.

8. Finish first draft of Lemons/Not My Memoir novel I am currently letting mull around on various microsoft documents and scrap papers and my mind by sometime in the spring.

9. Attend the writer's conference in April I want to attend.

10. Continue to be the kind, loving, sympathetic, fun, caring, giving, generous, laughable mother that I have been to my three doting and adorable children. Ha. Are you laughing? I am.

11. Scratch #10. Just be a good mommy to my good kids.

12. Have more sex with hubby.

13. Scratch #12. Just be a good wife to my good husband. (Okay, and have a little more sex too.)

14. Prepare at least three weekly, nutritious family dinners where Hubby, Ajers, DivaBitchDoll, Tukey and I can all sit and eat and chat about our day. This will be a rather simple resolution seeing as I got a TERRIFIC Christmas gift that I requested from my in-laws! (Okay, I just tried to find a website to give you a link to it but since I couldn't, I'll just tell you: It is a George Foreman Lean, Mean, Fat-Reducing Machine! And can you believe it, I've made two family meals in a row since getting this amazing gift!)

15. Blog-post daily, but...

16. Limit my surf-time to once or twice a week rather than getting sucked in to reading all my favorite blogs every single day. This will allow Resoltions No. 5 and No. 6 to happen easily, I'm sure.

17. I should say no French Fries or chocolate, but that would be okay if I write the amounts down and allocate WW points for these treats.

18. Of course, I almost forgot this one. It has to do with drinking. Which I am going to try not to drink for the first few weeks of January, and then, once I see how much more enriched my life has become, maybe I'll enter myself into the Twelve Step Program... Nah, maybe, if I can abstain for a few weeks, I will slowly allow myself a couple glasses of wine each weekend, you know, just so I can sit and relax and reflect on how much more enriched my life has become because of these resolutions!

19. Will think of more to come, but for now, I'm going to work on No. 10 and 11. Okay, not really, but kind of... I'm going to bond with them while I put the adorable and doting little rats to bed! And then, I'm going to go write something that will probably be crappy, but at least I'll be working toward some of my resolutions.

PS... We all know all of these resolutions are not realistic, but I figure if I at least make a list, it's a start. What resolutions are you going to attempt?


Dear Jane... said...

I think all those resolutions would stress me out. Just do the have more sex one, then everything else won't seem so bad...

Ben O. said...

I love the Starbucks resolution. I need some will power in that department too.

Ben O.

Modigliani said...

those are alot of resolutions - but you know what they say, if you don't plan it out, you'll never achieve it. Or something like that.

And cud. That's when cows chew on grass, swallow it, and then puke it back up to chew on it some more. Or something like that. :)

Shannin said...

i was going to answer the cud question, darn it. oh well...
those are a lot of resolutions! you crack me up and make me think all at the same time... quickly becoming one of my favorite blogs....
take care!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your resolutions. I think you can totally do them all this year. Work on a few at a time, get them nailed, and then add more until you're doing them all. As for getting an agent now or never having that novel commercially published, well, it's very, very common authors whose later books are published to revise and publish earlier books including, in many cases, their first ones. So even if you do give up, making it for now on that book, not forever, and don't burn it or anything. Okay?

Sugarmama said...

As far as the weight loss goes, I find that if I cut out drinking for a month I lose a few pounds just from that alone. I mean, without doing one thing else at all. No doubt, you already know that but I'm just saying. This is a damn ambitious list, I must say. Good luck with whichever ones make it to your final draft. Also, don't cows have 8 different stomachs?

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Sugarmama--I feel like I have eight different stomachs right now!

And already, the no drinking thing won't be lasting long because we've just been invited to a social event Jan. 21. Two weeks should do something though, right?

Pirate said...

sounds like a great plan to me. i would be interesting in hearin about your writing.