Thursday, December 08, 2005

A Post About Nothing

No idea where this one is going folks, so either bare with the rant or stop reading now. It's not going to be of anything of importance, just whatever's on my mind. First off, I had to laugh at my cute mom today because she cunningly told me, "Ha, I found where your blog is!"

And I was like, "Duh, I sent you the link."

She was cute though because she told me she and dad get the AARP magazine and there was an article in it about blogging. She said, "Older people blog too! It's not just for writers!" How cute is that? I also suggested to her that if she wanted to, she could go to the NEXT BLOG and find a bunch of blogs to read.

See, I told you this was going to be about nothing, but I am clearing my head right now. So there.

It is snowing like a banshee out there, and I shoveled the driveway THREE TIMES today, count 'em... one... two... three. I love to shovel actually. It's a different kind of exercise and it was fun out there today. The snow (which 99 percent of the time, I hate) is falling really pretty today, and the kids were having a blast out there, and I already lost my train of thought here.

I seriously might go get a Bailey's on ice and come back and then maybe I'll know what the freak I'm talking about...

Snow. Oh yeah, it was so pretty, I even took some pictures that will live and die either in my digital camera or on my computer because I haven't gotten any pics developed from there in like forever.

Still not talking about anything I thought I would be talking about but this is kind of like exercise for my fingers and my brain and I have missed writing a lot lately, and I think that's maybe why I wrote the previous post. I feel like I am spending so much time clicking on blogs and reading them and going to my Yahoo chick lit group and commenting a lot and not doing as much BZ work as I should be, which is a paying gig and I can control how much money I make that way, and here I am not doing the things I truly desire.

I'm annoyed with my whole book I wrote because it's not going anywhere, but I am going to be persistent and keep trying to get it out there. And I'm annoyed I'm not making myself sit in front of this computer and write a measley five pages a night because I know if I do that each and every night, I will get excited about whatever it is that I'm writing and I will write more than just five pages a night. Man, you should see how very fast I am typing right now. It's almost as if my brain is talking too fast and my hands can't keep up... whew... phone's ringing... please hold...

Okay, that was Hubby. He is on his way home. Had a late-night function in the city. And here's another thing I was thinking about. Today and last night, he had stuff going on at the Sears Tower. On like the 99th Floor. It kind of freaked me out because why wouldn't anyone target Chicago next? Then I was thinking, and this sounds very terrible to say, but I would like to tell him not to try to be a hero if anything were to ever happen and to just get the hell out of that place if it got smashed. I always think weird stuff like that. Like I never delete his phone messages just in case it's the last one he leaves me. Or stuff like that. I know it's kooky, but whatever.

What else was I going to talk about. I told you not to click on because this was just going to be a rant about nothing. And I'm right, right? So, yesterday's post. I was just annoyed and having a crappy day and tired of just coming in here, checking emails, going through blogs... and I decided to turn the damn thing off. It is just annoying me and somedays if I don't turn it on, the temptation is not there to come in here and do stuff that is non-productive but enjoyable. I think I need to limit my blog-read/surf 'net time. I need to spend some more time doing the work I get paid to do, and I need to spend some more time writing the fiction I am dying to write.

Here's another way my head works. It's like I'll be doing something, like shoveling the snow for instance, and it was very peaceful out there cuz it's late and the kids were all in bed and the snow is falling all crisp and clear outside and the shwoosh shwoosh rhythm of the shovel and the way I move the snow is almost like a dance. I know that sounds totally weird but it's like put one foot forward, scoop the snow, move the snow, put the foot back. I have a system for it and it calms me, kind of like when I'm coloring. So, I'm doing the shwoosh of the shovel, and taking in the quiet of the night and watching the snow fall and looking at the pretty lights out and my mind is telling me I wish I could write about this experience I'm having right now. It's probably how photographers think. Like they probably always wish they have their camera with them to document the moment. But then I'm wondering if my mind is always thinking about writing what I'm experiencing, am I missing the point, am I being taken out of the moment and why can't I just enjoy an experience without thinking I need to write it down. Why isn't my memory enough.

Okay, I'm still not done. I'm not going to be done until my brain turns off and it will happen eventually. This is a free-writing thingamagig and we used to do this in my writing class and I tell ya, if I want, I could probably keep going and going and talking about anything right now .... oops, I just stopped thinking for a moment.

Oh, Christa just signed on for IM. I bet she might send a note to say hi and if she does I will have to tell her I'm in the middle of a free-form blog entry that is totally the most boring thing I've ever written but it might also be the most soul-baring because right now I'm just writing whatever is popping into my head. Oh, and there was another thing I thought I wanted to talk about but now I just forgot it so maybe it's okay that I can't remember it. And no, in case anyone is wondering, I didn't get that Bailey's when I got up to get the phone and I am currently drug-free and sober.

Hmmm. My contact is sticking to my eyeball. Did you know I wore contacts? Oh, I remember what I was going to say. Confessional Tuesday is now a dead topic since two Tuesdays have passed and no one had missed it. I just found on someone else's blog a Thursday 13 and I thought I could maybe do that one but you know what? I think I've probably told you more than 13 things in this entry here alone.

I got a massage today. I totally treated myself. I was in a funky mood yesterday night, hence the post and I decided to boycot the computer (and we can all see what good that did me now, can't we?) Anyway, Diva (I think it's mean when I call her BitchDoll, but really it is a term of endearment) and Ajers got to school, then I took Tukey to his 9 -1 p.m. program today. I went and got a massage with some grapefruit aromatherapy. It was pretty good. The massage. Except I was a little cold and I finally got the nerve to tell her the bed thing was cold and she realized it wasn't heating. I think I should have gotten a discount or something for being cold. But prior to the massage, I told her I was going to try not to talk because usually when I get a massage (and please, it is only once or twice a year), I end up talking to the masseuse during the whole thing, and come on, how freaking stupid is that? To talk to a stranger when you're trying to relax. (Okay, some might argue that it's pretty stupid to pay a stranger to rub aromatherapy oils all over your naked body, but that's besides the point right now.) So, I got my massage and was totally completely relaxed and I thought I could get home and wrap some presents before it was time to get Tukey, but then I thought, screw it. I came home, went up to our room, set the alarm clock for 12:30 p.m., got all snuggly under the covers, tucking my knees up and curling up tight into a ball, and I also throw the covers over my head. I am really good about sleeping under stuff and still being able to not suffocate (Just ask my college roommates who witnessed all too many times THE DEPRESSION SLEEP in which I would bury myself into the covers, pull a pillow over my head and drown myself in the comfort of the blankets. Boy, those were fun times.) But this 'nappy-napperson' was great today. I mean, who the hell takes a nap from 11 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. aside from maybe a one-year old? Then, I totally zonked out and slept like a freaking rock under a rock. The alarm went off and I was eased out of my slumber by some lovely Christmas tunes that woke me up. Got up, got Tukey, then, to further enhance the "I'm-going-to-treat-myself-nicely-today" day, we then went to get a grandenonfatsugarfreevanillalatteextrahot and a sugar cookie filled with M&Ms.

Okay. I'm done now. Thanks for listening. Everything is much better now.

3 comments:

Ally said...

I like your ramblings.

cubmommy said...

I like your ramblings also.

It makes me know I am not alone because I think like that. I always have something on my mind it is nonstop.

The snow was pretty!

Caryn said...

Read the whole thing, M.M.! And it was actually interesting. So, see? You didn't bore everyone! Probably no one at all, in fact. :-)