Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Post-Holiday Fat Girl Is Here!

Dinner two nights in a row has been frosted walls from the Gingerbread House and Diet Coke.

There is a need for Rolaids because of heartburn that hadn't existed before.

Can no longer look into a mirror at myself without scrutinizing the flab that's gurgling over the upper sides of the underwear...

...and speaking of underwear....

The need has risen to dig deep into the underwear drawer to find the "In-Case-Of Emergency-Wear-These-Bigger-Underwear underwear."

Tukey now refers to my backside as a "big shovvy butt," which translates into "big chubby butt."

Knees crack more than usual when climbing stairs.

Heart-rate speeds up more than usual when climbing stairs, or exerting any kind of mild energy.

Bras, while often usually uncomfortable anyway, are now extremely uncomfortable, therefore as the case being right now, are not worn.

I'm growing my hair longer - a diversionary tactic I've often used when gaining weight... fatter, longer hair; thinner, get hair cut short... and on the same subject...

I am rarely shaving my legs.

The track suits (pretend it's a J.Lo outfit) are out in full force, and jeans are only donned in extreme social emergencies.

The dreadmill is getting dusty.

Breakfast a couple of days ago consisted of a Seven-Layer bar and a Diet Pepsi.

I don't eat breakfast, but am starved by 1:00 p.m. (no need to comment on the importance of breakfast daily--I know! I know!)

During intimate acts between loving partner and myself, instead of thinking about the usual, "What am I going to have to eat later on?" I'm thinking, "Oh wow, I am really fat now." Oh, and still, the usual, "Please hurry up."

But, as bad as I am feeling about my Fat Girl Emerging, I'll let her stay for a few more days because she's not going to be around in 2006, I can tell you that for sure!
And while Fat Girl is okay for the time being, and while she has enjoyed the trips to McDonald's, the stacks and stacks of Christmas cookies and treats, the countless pounds of carbohydrates that have been inhaled the past month, she ain't staying because I've done it before, and I'll do it again. I have absolutely no problem kicking Fat Girl in the ass and telling her to get out of my life because...

Super Power Thinner Girl Will Prevail!

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8 comments:

Nancy said...

Last night for dinner I had 3 glasses of wine and a piece of cheesecake. Needless to say, I haven't been fitting into any of my cute little bikini bottoms these days.

But All Will Change in 2006 -- just a few short days away! Someone should start an online support group for mommy dieters. I have a feeling it would be quite successful.

AfricaBleu said...

Ha! This is the SECOND blog I've read today about holiday eating and new year's resolutions regarding such.

I'm with ya - I ate three pieces of pie today (!), just so I could start tomorrow out fresh, with no sugar. Now THERE'S some logic for you.

cubmommy said...

I am so sick from eating junk my belly is rebelling. I can not wait to get of all the junk in the house.

New Year, New You

Ok, I know that is cheesy so sue me I haven't gotten sleep lately.

Sugarmama said...

May I recommend a horrible stomach virus to eliminate those unwanted extra Christmas pounds? Worked like a charm for me and my husband!

Jas... said...

Welllll... Christmas only comes once a year! Hahaha ha... hah... heh... hm.

Caryn said...

I've been eating terribly, too. But I refuse to go up a pants size, so it's diet & exercise for me, yippee. I even bought weights and a scale yesterday. Kind of depressing, really. Wishing you luck with the weight loss!

Way to campaign for the B.O.B. contest, by the way! Not to worry; I'm sure others are doing it, too.

Cee said...

Wow, I could have written a lot of that. My fat girl is on her way out in 2006 too, doctors orders.

eatmisery said...

I think I got pregnant again to avoid my elliptical trainer.