Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Day Ten

The pursuit of the suit is not going well.

At all.

You know, you stick to your diet a few days, get a little bit of confidence up, decide you've only got 11 days till Cabo so you might as well use the time that's on your side and you go to the mall.

You get into the store, and you've chosen the high-end mall, with the upscale department stores, because surely, they've got a better selection, and staff that will tell you what suit would be best 'suited' for your figure.

I kinda get the hives when I walk into those stores, the ones where all the staff is wearing black, there is an espresso bar, a cafe, a full-time-benefits-included piano player, made-up women flashing their crystal bottles of perfume, which I dodge because I get a headache just from the thought of the flowery smells of perfume.

Everybody shopping is done up. I mean, totally done up to go shopping. It's like they plan their whole day around which department stores to target (Oh, don't say TARGET around THEM!). Like women with their hair totally done up, with tights on and boots, and designer handbags out shopping for more designer handbags. WTF?

If there's ever a place I feel totally OUT of place, it's these types of stores. I just want in. I just want out. I just want a bathingsuit that doesn't scream: LOOK AT THIS THIRTY-SEVEN-AND-A-HALF-YEAR-OLD BODY WHICH HAS BIRTHED THREE CHILDREN, ONE VIA C-SECTION WITH A LOVELY SCAR, AND YOU TELL HER WHAT TO TRY ON!

And the lights. And the space. They do not make it pleasant to shop for clothing. Plus, you know there's some employee in a back room pointing to the video monitor and calling the others over, saying, "Hey, we got a live one here! Check out those granny panties on her! Hey - She should NOT even bother trying on THAT SUIT!"

I grab some suits, nothing that really looks like it will be doing miracles for me, not even the MIRACLE SUITS I grab. Armed with about 15 for the first round, I head toward the dressing room, taking in yoga breaths, in and out from the nose. I am calm. I am OK. I can do this.

Thankfully, the dressing room is dimly lit; I think that is a kind thing for the store to do. BTW, don't you hate it when you get that hair static cling thing going when you take off your shirt and you have to then spit into your hand a little to tame down your hair. Happens to me all of the time.

I strip down to the grannies with my eyes closed, and the whole while I'm thinking, "I love my body. It's not so bad. Look what my body has done... I have three beautiful children, it hasn't been for wont. It has been used, but used to do good, to make children who are kind and loving, and they don't care that I've got chubby hips or thighs that are just too close to one another. The back-fat doesn't bother them. Nor my husband. Nobody cares but me. I love my body. I love it, I love it, I love it!"


And here I was, totally prepared to pay top dollar for once in my life, ready to shell out $100 or even $200 if I could find a suit that would accentuate my accentables and camoflague my imperfections.

Did I find one?

Go ahead, you can answer this one...


How many stores did I hit? Let's see... Macy's, Lord and Taylor, Neiman Marcus, Nordstrom, Sears. Top of the line, right? And nothing.

Tomorrow, I will tackle Carson's, JCPenney's and Von Mour.

Points for today:

Did the strength training class this a.m.
Latte, tall, non-fat sugar free vanilla - 2 points
WW lemon snack cake and some 100-calorie cookies - 3 points
FF hot dog with bun - 2 points
One bite of the kid's leftover Nutty Butter bar - 1 point

Since I'm blogging this early because I'm going to my RWA meeting tonight, I'll just tell you what I'll be eating later...

Bruschetta and pasta, and I'll make the amount come to two cups of pasta for 6 points, and probably three pieces of the bruschetta for 6 points so that should bring me up to 20 points, so I have five-points to fudge with.

Did somebody say FUDGE?

No wonder the damn suits don't fit!


TTQ said...

Just imagine living in Florida where it is all skimpy clothes and bikinis year round. I'm very pale for a reason...

kissmekate said...

Oh Manic,

I was going to suggest a Tim Tam to dull your pain, but I believe that might be a tad insensitive!

Can hear loud and clear sister!

OhTheJoys said...

Hook me up... what hot dog AND bun is 2 points? FF??

M said...


I think you'd like something like the suit I got this summer. It's a black halter tankini top, ties behind the neck, has support in the breast area. Comes with a bikini that's got a short "skirt" attached that grazes my thighs. I get a lot of compliments on it, and feel comfortable in it because it does not reveal everything.

This link (you have to look through all three pages I think to see what I'm taking about) sort of gives you an idea: the Calvin Klein tankini (pictured on page 1, the first photo is the exact halter top that I have) + bikini + skirt would pretty much = what I have/think you might like.

Also this link has some nice tankinis (though unfortunately no "boy shorts" to go with them, but some do have skirts). There are some really nice ones.

Anyway, good luck with your search!

Anonymous said...


Kate said...

Argh! Bathing suits are the devil. I think there are three total women in the world who like their bodies in a suit. Not that it helps, just know that I feel your pain. Good job on the diet! Try to focus on how well you've been doing there.

P.S. I hope this makes you laugh--a week before my wedding, my dress came in and thankfully the top half had a lace-up back that was forgiving because the bottom half did not begin to fit. They had to race to get it let OUT. My mother was hyperventilating. She probably thought I was knocked up. I felt like crap, but heck, I was just so glad we were finally getting married that I would've done it in jeans and a t-shirt. And then I ate all the pasta and drank all the wine in Italy on our honeymoon.

Katie Alender said...

Oh, this is a topic dear to my heart.

I rely on my Shade swim top ( and a pair of boy shorts. It's like a tank top, but the strap is convertible and it's hip-length. Highly recommend.

Thanks for coming by and saying hi earlier. :-)

xxxx said...

Yes, definitely a tankini. I will come shopping with you, Manic! It'll be a party!

xxxx said...

Yes, definitely a tankini. I will come shopping with you, Manic! It'll be a party!

Frannie Farmer said...

Whew .. maybe its a good thing I never leave the farm. I think I would pass out from the pressure of shopping for a suit. Truly!
You are my hero!

Kim Rossi Stagliano said...

Please Steph - no matter how fat you feel -NO SKIRT!!! Please, nothing says "I'm 103 and self conscious" like a skirt on a bathing suit. Go to They have a great assortment of conservative yet flattering suits for real womens' bodies. Good luck!


stephhale said...

hey Steph~

I'm with Kim, I love Land's Ends suits! Good luck!


Anonymous said...

Did you try LL Bean's website? You may not have enough time with Cabo only 11 days away. But last summer I bought a suit from them and they have all the suits that totally suck you in. I went for the skirt which I was hesitant about since I felt like I was turning into my Mom circa 1965 but it was actually really cute. Board shorts are also a good way to go too with a tank on top. Kind of sporty.

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I got a very cute tankini at Victoria's Secret. I KNOW what you are thinking...Victoria's Secret...are you kidding me!! That store is for size 0 women who are in their 20's. But it was very cute, and very flattering, and it even had a little skirt that came with it. You can go on line and look, but you know how that goes...if you can't try it on you won't know how it fits. Then, if you order it and it doesn't work, you are screwed. In my opinion there are 2 things that you can not buy online....bathing suits and jeans!!

Jess Riley said...

Oh man can I relate to this. Shopping for bathing suits is a painful experience indeed.

Good luck! Somewhere out there is a suit with your name on it.

What to Get Your Woman said...

I am SO feeling you, girl. Love the blog!

JT said...

I do the tankini thing with a cute little skrit or shorts to hid the mamoth ass and thunder thighs I have. Yes, I have them, trust me. One guy I knew long time ago said my butt looked like his "extended cab". Jerk.

You're beautiful.

The Dummy said...

Mmm... fudge. One of my weaknesses.

Wow, 11 days! That came by fast. How'd you do with the roll call numbers this week?

Anonymous said...

Oh a sarong to go with your bathing suit and wrap it around the parts that bulge (although I'm sure they don't bulge that much...just sayin')